STYLE | Feature
Lady Penelope
Always to the point, the practically perfect Lady Penelope resolves readers’ issues, problems and general ignorance… with style
Spice Girls Conundrum
With the rumours circulating that the Spice Girls may be playing the Isle of Wight Festival this year, I’m thinking of digging out my old Spice Girl gear and wondering which of the band to dress up as if they do appear. Have you any advice?
The operative word in this question is ‘old’. How old are you exactly? Most Spice Girl fans were ‘tweenies’ and frankly my dear if you can still get into your gear then you must have been old enough to know better. However, if you really must go for it, can I suggest Sporty Spice. Trainers will be far more user friendly than platform heels, unless you want to spend the entire festival in the St John’s Ambulance tent with twisted ankles. You could always go for Scary Spice in an all- in-one leopard print catsuit, but you won’t be able to drink anything for fear of having to negotiate taking it off in the portable loos without dropping parts of it on the floor and ending up as Soggy Spice, or worse still, Smelly Spice. Ginger Spice in a micro mini Union Jack dress is all very well until you need to sit down on the grass, ditto a Posh Spice black or white mini skirt. Baby Spice? Let’s just not go there eh? And then there’s the midriff problem if you’re going to be wearing a bra or crop top as per the original girls. I’d start doing your sit ups now
and you might get away with it by June. And don’t forget to find some mates to be your fellow Spice Girls – it’s all about Girrrl Power after all and ‘getting with your friends’. A solo Spice Girl is just sad. Personally, I’d go full drag queen for this one and then, whether the Spice Girls headline at the Isle of Wight Festival or not, you’ve got a great parade entry for IW Pride in July.
To Vape or...
I’m thinking of giving up smoking this New Year and am considering taking up vaping instead. Would you recommend that I go for a tobacco flavoured vape liquid, something refreshing such as menthol, or one of the more interestingly named ones such as Dragon’s Blood?
Argh! Are you serious? One of the very few saving graces of cigarette smoking was that people doing so in old black and white films looked stylish. But nobody, I repeat nobody, looks stylish vaping, especially huddled around an outdoor heater in the bus shelter style ‘smoking area’ of a pub garden. Give up entirely or get addicted to nicotine gum (for that is what happens), but please don’t get a vape. Apart from anything else you’ll still get those creepy smoking wrinkles around your mouth and you’ll smell like an in-car air freshener.
Slimming Blues
It’s all ‘New Year, New You’ now and magazines are full of diets. I really need to lose a few pounds before the weather starts getting warmer. Can you recommend any diets?
Don’t diet until it does start to get warmer, would be my advice. The winter is grim enough without starving yourself. We all put on a bit of weight in the winter to help our bodies keep warm, so attempting a diet in the cold of January and February will mean that you freeze, and you’ll spend a fortune turning up the heating. Plus, you’ll pick up every bug that’s doing the rounds. Buy something stylish but baggy in the sales and wait ‘till April.
Tropical Overhaul
I’m thinking of having a totally new theme to my house this Spring, with a colonial feel to the interiors and semi-tropical plants in the garden. Where is the best place to find these plants on the Island?
Which island are we talking about here? One of the Caribbean islands would be ideal and if you can run to it I’d recommend Mauritius or the Seychelles. It’ll probably cost about the same, but at least you’ll enjoy it
To pose your problems to Lady Penelope please email
office@styleofwight.co.uk 138
styleofwight.co.uk
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