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Men Are Just Happier People.

Being filthy rich like Robbie helps,

but apart from that -

Your last name remains the same. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too yucky. You can never be pregnant. The world is your urinal. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. You can open all your own jars. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks and engines. The garage is all yours. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Your underwear is £5.99 for a three-pack. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You only have to shave your face and neck. No wonder men are happier.

New Gardening Column ?

We are always looking for new articles and writers to enhance The Local Herald, and this chap could be a real coup for a brand new gardening column, if we could only find him.

The article is taken from The London

Evening Telegraph,

gardening page, about an exchange between staff at a garden centre and a new gardening enthusiast.

"Hello mate. Do trees ?"

you sell

"Yes, indeed we do sir. What sort of tree did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I dunno. Something that will fit in the car."

5.

5. Persia. ( Iran )

Signs You're Getting Older

1. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. 2. The glint in your eye is from the sun hitting your bi-focals. 3. You feel like the morning after and you haven't been anywhere. 4. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 5. Your children begin to look middle aged. 6. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. 7. Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet. 8. You look forward to a dull evening. 9. Your favourite part of the newspaper is :- "20 Years Ago Today." 10. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him……… (Oh, this is so bad,)

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed

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