In the world of “i pods,” “i tunes,” and “ i phones,”
The Local Herald is pleased to report on new technology.
Receptions up to 110
Buffets up to 250
Forthcoming Events:-
23rd April - Murder Mystery Evening. Tickets £23.95 Per Person Includes a three course meal.
14th May - Rod Stewart Tribute Night. Tickets £24.95 Per Person With the legendary Brian Tagg
Includes a two course curry meal & Disco
Please call the hotel on 01254 872263 to secure your reservation
Whalley Road, Clayton Le Moors Lancs BB5 5RP
Tel/Fax 01254 872263 Web:
www.sparthhousehotel.co.uk Email:
mail.sparth@btinternet.com
Sparth House Hotel has all the majestic splendour of Georgian architecture and set in its own wooded grounds makes it the idyllic wedding venue. Theye have a choice of four newly refurbished elegant rooms each with their own individual style to suit your personal function requirement. Sparth House is also known for its 'Forthcoming Attractions' - from romantic valentine dinners, murder mystery and psychic evenings to up beat tribute nights and more recently charity events. Back by popular demand on May 14th the legendary Brian Tagg will be performing his Rod Stewart Tribute Act as Rock Stewart - from Maggie May to Sailing you will find it hard not to dance the night away with this truly fantastic singer. Tickets are available now on 01254 872263.
THE DENTURE
SPECIALIST
EST 1991
QUALITY DENTURES MADE DENTURE REPAIRS
REGISTERED DENTAL TECHNICIANS 30 YEARS EXPERIENCE
FREE HOME VISITS IN ALL AREAS
01254 665277
186 REDLAM
BLACKBURN BB2 1XQ
WWW.THEDENTURELAB.COM “i boobs” from Apple Mac.
Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The “iboob,” will cost between £499.00 and £699.00 depending on the size of the speakers. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their boobs and not listening to them.
A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?" The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean .. NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"
DEFINITIONS
ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions. BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read. COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes they got the biggest piece. CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. DICTIONARY: A place where divorce comes before marriage. Pay comes before work, and finish comes before start. DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills with pills. ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. EXPERIENCE: The name men give to their mistakes. FATHER: A banker provided by nature. MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH! OFFICE: A place where you relax after your strenuous home life. OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from the EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!" PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY. PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence later. SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight! TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power! YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth.
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