embarrassment for you and all the other members of your motorcycle club. So here is a brief list of ways to tell that you are old:
• The oldies radio station is playing songs from your children’s era.
• When you’re at a nude beach, people think you still have your clothes on.
• You comb your hair with the palm of your hand.
•
If anybody wants you to stand for the national anthem, they have to give you 10 minutes’ notice.
• Everybody passes you on the highway, and most of them honk and wave their fists.
• Your life insurance salesman stopped calling 10 years ago.
TIP OF THE ICEBERG I know you’re expected to tip every time you go to a restaurant or any time somebody carries your suitcase, but I have a few problems with that. Now I don’t want you to think
I’m just cheap. (I am, but I don’t want you to think it.) No, this has more to do with unfair business practices than parsimony. I don’t like to tip when I have no choice. It reminds me of when I was a kid being forced to kiss my aunt.
Tipping at a restaurant when you got poor service is like taking your worst employee and giving him a raise instead of a pink slip. And the bellman who wrestles the suitcase out of your hand doesn’t deserve a tip; he
should be charged with theft. And this standard 15 per cent
thing is hurting everybody. I’d rather not tip at all when I get bad service, and then tip like the Sultan of Brunei when I get looked after properly.
www.bounder.ca
BOUNDER MAGAZINE 71
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