Gayle R. Polston, MA, LPC, NCC I
expert advice
the“S”word
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Oops, let’s not leave out verses 28-29, “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.” The conclusion of the chapter is verse 33. “Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
Oh, the discussions on this simple word – submit. In relation to wives submitting to their husbands – this is a HOT TOPIC! If you don’t believe me, just ask Candace Cam- eron Bure. The former “Full House” star talked about her views on marriage in her re- cently released book Balancing It All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purpose. She writes in her book, “I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work.” One sentence in her new book created a stir of emotions, which became a round table for dialogue and engaging conversation on several major networks as well as social media earlier this month. Candace’s defense of her submis- sive role is based on 1 Peter 3:1, “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.” When Melia first asked me to write on this topic, the S word, Candace’s book had just
been released and she had no idea of the dialogue soon to erupt over the S word. Respect- fully, when I began to hear the chatter on the news broadcasts about the S word, I tried to get out of writing on this topic. As you can see, I was unsuccessful with my approach.
What is Submission?
Submission is an act of the will --- it is the result of a choice, a decision. The act of that submission is arrived at with a choice a person makes. Submission is not forced upon a person. One either choses to submit of their own free will or there is no submission. One could consider submission as a giſt that one person chooses to give to another person. In reality, only a strong person can be submissive. Submission is not a sign of weakness. Submission is a sign of strength, not of weakness and a greater degree of submission requires a greater degree of strength of personal character.
Should Wives Submit to Their Husbands? Key Scripture text: Ephesians 5: 21-33 For those who believe in the Bible, Paul says it pretty clearly: “Wives, submit to our
husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22 NIV). Let’s look at Ephesians 5:23-25, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own
A Submissive Heart A submissive wife wishes to satisfy her husband. She has made a choice to be led
by her husband and to accept his authority and to be his helper. She does not seek to please her husband because she is afraid of him or his rebuke or rejection or punish- ment. Rather, she delights to please him and finds great satisfaction in doing so. A submissive wife is one who makes a choice not to resist her husband’s will. That
is not to say that she cannot disagree with him or that she cannot express an opinion. The submissive wife, by definition, a strong woman and will usually therefore have her own opinions and these may oſten be different to the opinions of her husband. Does she have the right to express these feelings? Yes. In fact, it might oſten be wrong for her not to express them since she is, aſter all, supposed to be his helper. Mind you, not his slave or doormat, but helper. Could it be that by expressing her opinions and giving advice and suggestions, that she is fulfilling her role as a helper? Could it be her opinion, advice and suggestions become a valuable part of the help she provides to her husband? Just asking.
A Man’s Perspective For a man, it is a pleasure to be around a submissive wife. She helps him to feel
peaceful and contented. Not only does she help him feel peaceful and contented, but she is a dependable helper whom he may rely upon. His deepest fears and desires are shared with her because he trusts her. He is not fearful of her rejection, anger or scorn. When with her, it’s easy to relax because it is understood when mistakes are made, she will be working with him not against him. She will minimize the consequences for his mistakes rather than using an opportunity to prove a point. When a wife is submissive, it’s ok for a husband to be vulnerable with her. A man whose wife is submissive devel- ops a greater sense of self-respect because he understands her respect for his authority in her life and thus no need to ever belittle him. The conclusion of this article will be in next month’s edition. Topics discussed: Sub-
mit versus obey; Difficulties women face in being submissive; Submission issues with an unsaved spouse; Tired of being the head of the house; Mutual submission; Respect versus command; God of boundaries. See you then!
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February 2014
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