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A One-derful Life with Mary R. Dittman, MBA I contributing writer


How to Heal a Broken Heart For singles, Valentine’s Day can be a painful reminder


that you are on your own. If you have a broken heart, Val- entine’s Day can be especially painful, but Valentine’s Day 2014 could be a day of healing for you. I have a lot of experience with heartbreak, so I am


well-qualified to help you heal those wounds and move forward. TIME. You cannot bypass the healing process if you


want to truly move past heartache. There are plenty of theories about the amount of time it “should” take to get over something, but the truth is, it depends on you, your emotional investment, your support system, and your commitment to getting over it. MAKE A CLEAN BREAK. You cannot get over a wound


if you keep injuring yourself. Think about it: a cut won’t heal if you keep digging at it. Likewise, you’re not going to get over your heartbreak if you keep hanging around the person who broke it. This is why dating people you work with can be perilous – you can’t get away from see- ing them every day! Throw out the reminders, or pack them away where you can’t see them. Stop calling, tex- ting, social media stalking, asking friends about them, or socializing with them. MOURN YOUR LOSS. You may try to tell yourself you don’t


care, and if you don’t, you don’t have a broken heart! Your friends will bright-side you and tell you how lucky you are to have gotten out of the relationship when you did; they love you and want you to get back to happy as soon as possible. However, you need to give yourself space to acknowledge and honor your feelings. It’s better if you don’t torpedo your career by crying in your office or calling out sick for a week, but if you absolutely need a day to lie around and grieve, take a mental health day. As you move through the process, allot yourself a specific amount of time - one hour, one aſter- noon, 10 minutes – to cry and wallow. TALK IT OUT. I’m a huge proponent of talk therapy.


I started seeing my therapist in 2001 when I had one doozey of a heartache, and we’ve been together ever since. Come to think of it, that’s proof that I CAN com- mit: I’ve been with one therapist for 13 years. Therapy


is great because you don’t run the risk of burning out your friends and family with your constant rehashing of events and questions as to why things fell apart. A thera- pist also gives you a safe environment to voice your feel- ings, as opposed to an unsafe environment: your work- place, social media, the side of your ex’s car. BE HONEST. It’s important to be honest, at least with


yourself, about the hurt, disappointment, anger, and oth- er emotions you are feeling. You don’t need to express them to others, but you do need to give a voice to them within your own soul. STRIVE TO ACCEPT REALITY. Whether you ended the


relationship or your beloved ended it, it’s over. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out to have a conversation or to gain closure – perhaps you will get some useful in- formation. Eventually, however, you are going to have to accept that the relationship is over and move on. Living in the past and mentally rehashing what could have been will only keep you stuck in your pain. YOU ARE NOT THAT RELATIONSHIP. Just because your


relationship failed, you are not a failure. Most relation- ships don’t last forever, so having a relationship fail puts you in the “norm” with the majority of people. Try not to categorize your entire life on one relationship or even a series of relationships. YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS HURT THIS BADLY. Trust me: the


pain goes away. Don’t create more problems for yourself by acting out of your heartache. If you focus on moving for- ward, you can look forward to your heart healing. It does take time, but you can believe that one year from now (or sooner!) you will not be feeling the way you feel now. Some of the most painful breakups I’ve experienced


have helped me define what I do and do not want in my relationships. In that sense, the breakup served a valu- able purpose because now I can avoid some of the painful situations I’ve encountered. This Valentine’s Day, instead of focusing on what you


DON’T have, focus on what you do have: a One-derful chance to heal and move forward into the good things that are ahead.


102


February 2014


shemagazine.com


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