Ouida K. Page, RN, LPC
I
expert advice
Pitfalls To Avoid During Your First Year of Marriage
Couples are excited about each other when they first meet and marry. They spend
a lot of time together including traveling, other activities and sports. They share ideas, and there is a lot of energy and intense feelings of excitement and attraction in the relationship. They work together on issues that come up and work out their routine and roles in the marriage. They decide who will cook, clean, pay the bills, work in the yard. They also choose their work routines. In our society today, most couples work. It usually takes two incomes to pay all of the bills and have the life- style of their dreams. There is usually a lot of sharing, talking and communication. Aſter several months, the couple settles into a routine and begins doing some of their own thing. They accomplish their assigned tasks at the house, then get to- gether to interact and compare notes. The passion is there, but there may be more distractions with work and possibly buying a house and fixing it up. This takes lots of time and energy.
Aſter several years, they may have a child while both are working. They have
settled into a routine, and there are more demands on their time. They may be- come involved in church activities that are held during the week. The child may have activities, daycare and school. These extracurricular activities require time and energy. The couple may slowly and subtly grow apart. The longer they are married, the more stuff happens in their lives that takes time and attention. They may slowly grow apart and no longer spend time together. They eventually have no time for each other. They stop sharing and communicating and only talk about problems with the house - superficial chit chat. They have no fun and do not share any excitement with each other. They become strangers. You married your spouse because you liked spending time with them, and you enjoyed sharing things with them. Aſter you grow apart, you forget how you felt about the person you married. You remember why you married them but are disconnected from the feelings. If you don’t nurture your relationship, it will die.
“The longer they are married, the more stuff happens in their lives that takes time and attention.”
In your first year of marriage, it is important to determine your roles and figure out who will be responsible for which tasks and activities. You also need to decide which tasks will be shared. It is of utmost importance to fit a priority of ‘dating’ into the relationship. You need a consistent date night out to keep the marriage relationship alive and vibrant. This date night is time that you and your spouse can use however you wish. You can go out of town, to a movie or walk through the park and talk. This is special time for you and your spouse to nurture and re-kindle your relationship, over and over. It needs to become a pattern and exist through the entire life of your relationship. If one of you is too busy and pulling away from the relationship, this needs to be brought up and discussed with options addressed. Go to a professional counselor if necessary. Work together and be determined to help each other be the best that you can be. If you focus on one individual in the relationship, it will not work; there will be hurts and resentments. Share and encourage one another, espe- cially that first year. Be determined to work things out and have a healthy, vibrant marriage where both partners feel they are growing and happy.
106
February 2014
shemagazine.com
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