Charlie, a father of nine, was reflecting with his mate at the bar one Christmas Eve, on how we mellow over the years. “When the first born coughed I’d call an ambulance. When the last child swallowed a fifty pence piece, I told him it was coming out of his spending money.”


Party Time Sam and Becky had been invited to a masked Christmas fancy dress party. Unfortunately, Becky developed a really bad headache and decided she would not be able to make it. However, not wishing to disappoint their friends completely, she insisted that Sam should go on his own. After much protestation, he agreed to go and reluctantly set out, dressed in his Santa Claus outfit. Becky took a headache tablet and went to bed. A short while later Becky woke up and was surprised to discover the headache had disappeared. So, as it was still fairly early, she decided to join Sam at the party. Then, it suddenly occurred to her that Sam had not seen her newly acquired Rudolf fancy dress outfit and thought it would be interesting to see how Sam would behave if he didn't know she was there. So, she put on her costume and some new perfume that Sam wouldn’t recognise and off she went. It didn't take her long to spot Santa, who was doing some close proximity smooching on the dance floor with a leggy looking Christmas fairy. So, when the moment was right, she sidled up to him as seductively as possible and whispered a few sexy and carefully disguised words into his ear and soon he was putty in her hands. Santa suggested they went outside, and he being her husband, she encouraged him in a very intimate clinch. Before the party came to a close and everyone's mask was removed, Becky slipped away and went back home to bed. She awoke sleepily as Sam came into the bedroom. "Did you have a nice time?" she asked. "Okay I suppose." "Just okay. Is that all? What about the dancing?" "I didn't bother. I met up with Mark and Bill and we had a few drinks and talked about football and stuff. I was having serious problems with my Santa Claus beard so I swapped outfits with Harry. We finished up playing cards in the kids room, but Harry had a great time and kept going on about this woman in a Rudolf outfit.


6.


Christmas morning down the pub, getting drunk and perky, While the missus stays at home, trying to cook the turkey. Got thrown out at closing time, head in need of aspirin, Got home for my Christmas lunch, found it in the dustbin.


White Christmas was written in 1940 by Irving Berlin for the 1942 movie "Holiday Inn" starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire. Berlin's assignment was to write a song about each of the major holidays of the year. But Berlin, who was Jewish, found that writing a song about Christmas was the most challenging. The World War II had destroyed not only the nations but also the hopes and aspirations of millions. With an uncertain future the dark bleak days were a torment to many. White Christmas was like a fresh breeze, giving a feel-good factor and succour to the tormented souls. The main reason was the song expresses a sense of yearning and peace. By the time the war was over, White Christmas was the biggest selling single, a record unbroken for more than fifty years.


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