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Strange Illness. It was the doctor's last patient of Christmas Eve. A mother came in with her young daughter and asked if he would examine her as she had been showing some strange symptoms, including an increase in weight, morning sickness and a number of strange cravings. He checked her out very carefully and told the mother that her daughter was unquestionably pregnant. At which news she protested very strongly. 'Don't be ridiculous, my daughter has never been with a man' The girl confirmed that this was true and added that she had never so much as kissed a man. The doctor walked to the window and stared out of it. Suspecting the worst the mother asked if there was something wrong. "No, not really" replied the doctor. 'It might just be a coincidence, but the last time this happened a bright star appeared in the East.'
A long distance lorry driver from Clayton had just eaten his lunch of Left-Over Turkey sandwiches his wife had prepared for him, when his mobile phone rings and his wife is on the line quite distraught. “ Don’t eat the sandwiches, whatever you do don’t eat the sandwiches.” The husband replies, “I’ve already eaten them dear, and they were very nice. What’s the problem?” The wife responds in one of those high pitched panicky voices, “ Oh my God, your going to die!” “ Calm down dear.” he replies, in his best Michael Winner voice. “ What on earth’s the matter.” The wife explains. “ After I made your sandwiches and saw you off this morning, I gave the left over Turkey to the cat who ate the lot, and I went back to bed. When I got up I found the cat unconscious on the back door step and hardly breathing. I called the pet ambulance who rushed him in and they’re running some test’s but they say it doesn’t look good.” “ Oh my giddy aunt,” exclaims the husband, “now that you mention it I do feel a bit queasy. I’d better ring the police.” “So he explains the story to the police, who don’t want him to take any chances driving on the motorway. They organize an air ambulance helicopter to take him to Birmingham General Hospital, where they pump his stomach, sedate him and monitor him overnight. The Police ring his transport company who arrange to send another driver down from Glasgow to continue the urgent delivery in his lorry. Meanwhile, the wife gets one of the relatives to get off work and drive her down to Birmingham Hospital where she sits all night by the husband’s bed, fearing the worst. In the morning he awakes and is given the all clear. The three set off back to Clayton, exhausted, but relieved that the husband is alright. On the way back north the wife gets a call on her mobile phone from the milk man. “ Hiya Luv, I just thought I’d ring and ask you about your cat, I accidently dropped a milk bottle on his head yesterday morning and he looked a bit groggy. Is he alright ?”
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