youthful thinking
by melissa k.-t.
T
“Running into ex-girlfriends is always en-
tertaining. The lesbian community seems
to be so small when you run into at least
one person you’ve dated at every event.”
here seem to be so many different scenes going on for young lesbians in San Diego.
Some of us are in school, or already working, some are involved in politics and some stick to
just living their lives without getting involved or engaged in the community. The one thing
that lesbians seem to have in common is they all want someone to love and share their life
with. Yes, the seemingly eternal search for love—how cliché.
Recently, I was talking to some friends of mine who were upset that they weren’t 21 and
couldn’t go to clubs to look for people to hang out with or date. For underage lesbians, it takes
a lot of effort to meet people to date.
We are lucky though in San Diego to have a few outlets for connecting with other lesbians
such as the Big Gay Barbeque at San Diego State University and the quarterly Non-Sexist
Dance at UC San Diego. These two events serve as important places to make connections.
At San Diego State, the Big Gay Barbeque is a huge event for many LGBT students as well as
straight allies. It is an amazing experience to be among so many open and accepting people
while eating and socializing. Young gay students find the barbeque to be a good scene to also
meet possible dates. This semester’s barbeque on April 8th will be themed “Reclaim Your Flame”
the seemingly
celebrating the anniversary of Stonewall. In order to raise money and have a bit of extra fun
there is a dating auction at the barbeque. Volunteers are auctioned off and the audience bids
ETERNAL search
for a date with them. I have personally participated in this and I was terrified. First of all what
happens if no one bids on you? Secondly, what happens if they are someone you absolutely
would hate to go on a date with? I guess this is the sacrifice we make to raise money for a good for love
cause.
The other issue I encountered last semester was whether or not to be auctioned off while
in a relationship. I know it is raising money for a good cause, but I didn’t want my girlfriend to
go up and be auctioned off. Everyone saw me as being self-conscious but I just didn’t want my
girlfriend going on a date with someone else! Despite all these small dramas involved in the
barbeque, I have found it one of my favorite activities and have met some amazing friends
through it all.
The UC San Diego Non-Sexist Dance is also a fun outlet for the young. Dancing, socializ-
ing and meeting new friends are always a fun adventure. It gets extremely hot and sweaty
in the relatively small area and there is always a line to get in because of the rules detailing
the amount of people allowed in the building at once. There is always guaranteed drama. I
laughed really hard when one of my fellow students decided to abandon her “player ways,”
and bring alone a date. She ran into three different girls she had previously dated and they all
wanted to dance with her. It was difficult to muster up any sympathy for her knowing she had
four different girls after her at once. I couldn’t even get one date! It was irritating.
I have also had my own issues at the dance. How do you ask someone to dance? Do you just
start spontaneously dancing with them? Do you ask outright or do you have some sort of
signal? I don’t know the answer to that but I asked a couple of girls to dance and they said “no.”
feedback?
youthfulthinking@ragemonthly.com
It was pretty upsetting. Plus running into ex-girlfriends is always entertaining. The lesbian
community seems to be so small when you run into at least one person you’ve dated at every
event. Hmmm… maybe I have just dated too many people. Despite the drama and exes, the
dance is a thrill and a great outlet for young people to connect.
It’s interesting how many young, single lesbians are sitting around wanting to meet
other single lesbians, yet they struggle to network and find outlets for socializing. For those still
searching… we do have the barbeque and dance to as an opportunity to meet new people. As
for me, I will continue looking for even more interesting ideas and ways to meet girls.
36 RAGE monthly | APRIL 2009
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