living positive by paul montero
Tempus vernum generally brings with it a nice
change in mood. Hope and spiritual buoyancy guide
the advancing attitude that HIV is no longer to be seen
as a death sentence. But for those of us who got this
immunosuppressive souvenir from someone who
lied to us about their status, living as poz can seem like
a life-sentence to the bitterness ward of Guantanamo
Bay.
Some say that all sex partners should be presumed
poz until proven otherwise, and that’s just the reality
we live in today. I’ll agree that any act of sex is a wildcard
of liability. But if you think about it, what act in life isn’t?
Every action we take within society is a random game
of chance until our figurative luck ultimately runs out.
Whether we’re hit by lightning, flashed by panty-less
celebrities or poisoned by our double cappuccino
habit, we’ve exposed ourselves to these adversities
simply because we left the house…but no one will
ever say, “well, you went looking for it.”
Sex is one of the few remaining pleasant acts that
we can still enjoy in a personal way. And so for the sake
of gratification, we silently relent to risk’s indiscrimi-
nate scythe. But what if you discover that, through
someone’s conscious will, you could have been spared
of seroconversion? What if the person who placed you
on this altered path knew exactly what he was doing to
What
you, but he still told you to trust him? What if you found
out that, aside from knowing well that he infected you,
he was still out there infecting many others and telling
them the same lie he told you? When does it become
your business to step in, call him out and tattoo the
tO DO
word, “victimizer” on his forehead? …Or perhaps tie a
noose around his neck for brevity? But seriously, how With the Killer
feedback?
livingpositive@ragemonthly.com
do you know if you’ve really got a civil suit for criminal
transmission of HIV with malicious intent?
Who Keeps On Killing
First thing’s first: take a step back to breathe. As
and you may subsequently be outed as poz to those ing this guy from spreading any more HIV-havoc. If a
certain as you are that he’s guilty of slow-motion
close to you who might not have already known. legal scandal poses too much to handle at the current
manslaughter and deserving of imprisonment in
In addition, expect to feel the pangs of guilt. I know, time—which is completely understandable—then
some hole in Iraq, you have to get all the facts before
it’s inconceivable at this moment to think that you’d your only task is finding solace with yourself. He’s not
any claims are made. As difficult as it is to separate
actually feel sorry for the yutz who gave you the “dark taking your calls or responding to your cyber-anger, so
emotions from logic at this moment, it’s the only way
gift,” but believe it. If convicted, he’ll not only do the don’t give him any more power to make you feel this
you’ll get any sense of resolution. Keep all possible
jail time, he’ll likely encounter other inmates who way. If he’s inflicting this virus onto others willfully, it’s
lines of communication open and try to express your
don’t take too kindly to men who use their penis as a most likely for a deeply rooted psychological reason
suspicions to the “donor” in question. If you’ve made
biological weapon. And even after his sentence has that no one but he can unearth. Whatever his flawed
multiple unsuccessful attempts to get your point
been served, irreparable damage will be done to his agenda may be, it’s not in your best interest to incar-
across, then try a different approach.
permanent record and the lingering stench of “unof- cerate yourself in a similar cell of unresolved grief.
Now, it is a felony in California—punishable by up
ficial sex offender” will follow him wherever he goes. Take pride in the fact that you’re not the one who has
to eight years in prison—to knowingly spread HIV,
The majority of life’s doors will have permanently selfishly disregarded the health of others for a few sec-
so you are in your full right to seek legal counsel. But
closed for him. onds of rushed endorphins. You’re the one who cared
in all honesty, your work will be cut out for you if you
If you can handle all of this and you still wish to enough to stop the virus from spreading past you. Let
follow through with it. You’ll basically have to prove
pursue a conviction, then proceed with your case. others know online about his irresponsible actions if
that the culprit knew of his status at the time of your
But it’s very important not to do so with anger as your you must, and partake in this optimistic spring mood
encounter—and every other encounter where you
primary driving force. Though that may seem like the that everyone else seems to be enjoying. And unless
believe he’s infected others. If a valid case is made of it,
only way to keep your nerve throughout the entire it presents the possibility of landing you behind bars,
there will be investigations into your privacy, you will
stressful process, your main concern should be keep- feel free to live it up, San Diego.
be psychologically prodded to ensure your integrity
34 RAGE monthly | APRIL 2009
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