horoscopes by vera divine
ARIES March 21 – April 20
seem a little wild. Famke Janssen had to wear some
Ever wonder where the phrase “balls to the wall” came from?
obscenely red wigs in order to become Jean Grey in
Well allow your mind to escape the gutter for a moment
the X-men series.
and reflect on what you really value in life. If you can meet
those contemplations with a full force of enthusiasm, then
SAGITTARIUS November 23 – December 22
you’re ready to take on a personal challenge around the
Whoever said “cheaters never win” obviously got
7th. Maintain your cool and keep your decision-making
caught! But it is a good concept to consider. How
aimed at positivity. You’ll have the chance to chill and review
much do you want to win? Bad enough to deal with
your game plan on the 20th. Look forward to being a great
lies, stress and a sinister plot? Lies, after all, must be
symbol of influence by the end of the month and keep up
covered with more lies. Instead, keep it simple and
a bubbly flirtatious vibe. Fellow Aries Zach Braff must have
basic. Start the month off with truths in every part
gotten his flirt on in order to have been cast in The Broken
of your life and keep them up! You’ll find that they’re
Hearts Club.
much easier to maintain than deceit. By the 20th,
you should have a habitual pattern of honesty form-
ing. Don’t confuse honesty with oral incontinence,
TAURUS April 21 – May 21 with your accomplishments, treat yourself to a nice however. Not every fact needs to be broadcasted, as
A wise old hag once said, “Don’t look a gift horse little end-of-the-workday indulgence. Don’t let stress Scarlett Johansson has mastered the art of verbal
in the mouth…and don’t get too close to the other turn you gray prematurely. Halle Berry may be able discretion.
end either!” Well at the root of this perverted proverb to rock white hair with style, but unless you can control
is a wise word or two. If things are going your way the weather, I’d go with another look. CAPRICORN December 23 – January 20
without explanation, don’t question them; enjoy Don’t underestimate the power of a good mood. It
it! You deserve this streak of fortune so don’t spoil it VIRGO August 24 – September 23 can make a stranger’s day, it can keep someone from
with paranoia. Even in matters of romance, the last You’ve been contemplating it for days, dialing the being pushed over the edge…It can even save a shift-
week will see them flocking to you as though you number but not pressing “send,” trying to think of a ing relationship! …or at least prolong its death! The
were Audrey Hepburn! better reason to call. Trust me, my voluptuous virgin. point is, your perspective can either debilitate you or
There’s no better reason to reach out than to offer empower you. Plan your future carefully on the 17th—
GEMINI May 22 – June 21 your friendly company. Just let go of your angsty these plans could blossom soon, if you let them. One
Getting your hands dirty has never been this good social graces and enjoy a spur-of-the-moment lunch has to wonder what mood Mel Gibson was in when
for you. Projects that spark creative jolts are a major with the person you’ve been missing. You might even he came up with the idea to rock the world with his
turn-on for your spirit right now. Whatever it is you be in good form to make a little romantic progress “passionate” movie.
put into motion now will become a great reminder around the 28th. Now that Cameron Diaz has blos-
of happiness later on. Around the 20th, you might somed into a full-fledged cougar, she has no time to AQUARIUS January 21 – February 19
encounter some sparks of adversity, but try not waste on silly reluctance. Are you tired of putting on a fake smile for people
to zap them away with more negativity. Fellow who don’t even notice? Well it’s probably because
Gemini Clint Eastwood now knows better than to LIBRA September 24 – October 23 your true emotions show through it! Don’t blame it
impulsively whip out a gun from under his cowboy Hold your horses, Libra! Be careful not to overin- on your makeup! This is coming from inside! If you’re
poncho—especially if that’s all he’s wearing. dulge at the wrong time! I’m all about the excess, but not even trying to feel the sensations that prompt a
you’ve got to at least pretend to be classy about it! smile in the first place, how do you expect to convince
CANCER June 22 – July 23 Someone could be watching as you stuff that slice of everybody that it’s real? I know, sometimes we just
Cancerians sure know how to throw caution out chocolate cake into your purse! When pandering to want to be asked if we’re okay. But for you, that won’t
the window when they sense they can get away with one’s own primal desires, good timing is as impera- happen until the third week! So until then, we’ll have
it. But that’s fine, as long as self-respect doesn’t get tive as what you do to get rid of the evidence! Your to spark up some inner magic and self-motivate!
thrown out too. By the 19th, a colleague’s reaction to craftiness will pay off once you’re basking in private It’s said that no one can make you feel anything but
your behavior will unease you. Remember that he or luxury. But keep an open ear for friends who feel yourself. If that’s true, Nick Carter is doing one hell of
she is simply threatened by a potential instability and neglected. Catherine Zeta Jones may be married a job of making himself feel sexy again!
only seeks reassurance. Approach the confrontation with children, but fans share comparable weight on
with plenty of communication. Of course, some this Libra’s priority scale. PISCES February 20 – March 20
things are harder to explain than others, as the hyper- It never rains, but it pours—and always on the day
caffeinated Tom Cruise has come to realize. SCORPIO October 24 – November 22 we decide to visit a stylist! No need to whine. There’s
Always up for a demonstration of your abilities, a lot of affection and beneficial communication
LEO July 24 – August 23 there’s no one quicker to the mat than you. If there’s coming your way at the start of the month. During
Looking forward to that relaxing down time at the a power struggle, you want in. If there’s a leadership week two, balance will be what gets you through the
end of the day? Yeah, well…we all are, honey. But position up for grabs, you’re going to claw your way rainy phase. Counteract the inevitable downpour of
before you hang up your wig and kick off your high- up to it. Just be sure you know what you’re up against! stress with a warm cup of relaxation. Make sure you’re
heels, you’ve got to work! A couple of things need that You may have to face an equal opponent around the thoroughly rested by month’s end, even if you feel the
extra oomph that only you can accomplish with your 16th. Your best bet is to flaunt your aptitude for art urge to shake-shake-shake. Harry Belafonte knew
signature work ethic. After you’re personally satisfied and versatility. Don’t be afraid to try on colors that when to take a break-break-break, señora!
104 RAGE monthly | APRIL 2009
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