fruit fly
by angelica osborne
OK, its official. I am about two months into a mid-
life crisis. I didn’t recognize it at first. I really thought
the rest of the world was just being a big asshole,
but alas. Apparently it’s just me, because my life is
blessed like Big Bird in his nest and yet, I’m fighting
off a constant feeling of weeping under the skin,
the impulses to sabotage my own joy, the fear of the
piano that falls on Bugs Bunny’s head just as he thinks
everything is going fine and then he comes up with
ivory keys instead of teeth. I’m the kid in What About
Bob? sitting on the bed with his dead turtle in a box
saying, “We are all going to die. You are going to die. I
am going to die. There is nothing we can do about it.”
Geez, what a party pooper! I find myself waking
up at 5:00 a.m. and berating myself with questions
about how I handled situations 20 years ago. Should
I be more? Should I have more? Do I deserve all that I
have? Is that booboo on my scalp, BRAIN CANCER?!
I ask one of my fave gays, Alan, if he has gone
through a midlife crisis yet, since he is a good 10 years
older than me. His boyfriend quips from the kitchen,
“Did he ever come out of it?” Alan flips him off, laugh-
ing. He tells me of a time when he was fresh out of
med school and his world had come crashing down.
feedbAck?
fruitfly@ragemonthly.com
Losing his mother and a close friend around the
same time had turned his world upside down. “What
did you do? How did you get past it?” I ask. “I went
“Wow, this is what young Luke Skywalker must have felt like
on a f#@k-fest across the country. You know, lots of
casual sex, made some money, did some traveling. when Master Yoda spilt out the secrets of the force. Alan was onto
It’ll cure what ails ya.” Wow, this is what young Luke
something, minus the Slut-dog Millionaire part.”
Skywalker must have felt like when Master Yoda spilt
out the secrets of the force. Alan was onto some-
thing, minus the Slut-dog Millionaire part.
I mean, I go on vacations, but what Alan was
On the ROad again
talking about was completely different and without
airline/flying stresses, without schedules and all the cially when accompanied by your lover(s), I googled com/outthere. Anywhere you can think of, there is a
hectic running around. Traveling just for the sake gay travel and found many websites that cater to the fellow homo out there taking the risks to find out the
of traveling. That was something I hadn’t done in a traveling homosexual. spots, getting pictures and giving you the lowdown,
while. When we were young and broke, my husband One of my faves is about trekking across Asia in so you don’t have to. Because in many backwards
and I used to go ridin’ all the time, just get lost on search of lust on a budget. It’s called “Sticky Rice.” The parts in some Godforsaken places, it can be down-
little back woods country roads. We’d scrounge up writer, Suzy Size, has a blog for his/her “World Friend- right dangerous. Yours truly is also a travel agent,
enough money for a tank of gas, grab some cokes ship Tour” which has all the elements of Alan’s f#@k should you like to have someone to help. My website
and a Ziploc bag of cereal and hit the road. It was fest, just with a more Utopian title. He travels the is
www.Godspeedtravelsite.com, you can e-mail me
freedom to do anything or nothing. I decided this continents’ massage parlors and then blogs about there, or here at
fruitfly@ragemonthly.com. I would
was what I needed. gay-friendly establishments and where you can get be more than happy to help you plan your trip and
I talked the hubby into taking a personal day and a cheap hotel or a hearty hand job. This is sort of The find places that you would be welcomed.
we got onto the Pacific Coast Highway and just Zagat Guide to happy endings, if you will. He even Whatever you are going through, some of the best
started driving. I was pleasantly surprised to see the has a link so you can donate money to his journey advice I can give is to drive away from it, even if only for
planet was carrying on despite my own stupidity. The because as he says, “Money boys are expensive.” a few hours, take your fave tunes and just ride. See if it
flowers still bloom, the wind still blows and the earth Talk about finding your own way in a struggling isn’t easier when you get back. On my last drive I had
still turns on its axis regardless of any of my actions. economy! an epiphany, if I am truly mid-life and I’ve already been
What relief there is in this. The light started to pierce Want to find some “Thunder Down Under” in Aus- here for over 30 years, then I still have 30 more years to
thru the clouds... I wanted to encourage everyone in tralia?
Rainbowtourismdownunder.blogspot.com. do stuff? Holy moly… that’s a long time. I’ve got plenty
this month’s article to do the same and since I know How about following the Gay Pride parades of time to do it all! Maybe just not all at once. In fact,
that traveling can be daunting for a gay person, espe- around the country/world? Go to www.gaycities. I’ve got so much time I think I’ll go for a ride.
32 RAGE monthly | APRIL 2009
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