EAST ANGLIA
The county of Suffolk is home to less than three quarters of a million people and sits between Essex to the south, Norfolk to the north, Cambridgeshire to the west and the sea to the east. At 1,466 square miles in area, it’s the eighth largest ceremonial county in England but much further down the table for population, giving a low person-per-square-mile
Returning to East Anglia for the first time since visiting
Mystery
Norwich and Great Yarmouth for December 2005’s ETO, this month the Mystery Shopper gives you a Suffolk Punch...
density. The mostly low-lying landscape produced great painters, including Constable and Gainsborough - to say nothing of the cartoonist Giles, whose ‘Grandma’ character has her statue in Ipswich.
I visited Bury St. Edmunds (pop. 35k), best known as the set up for a joke with the punchline “I didn’t even know he was ill”, the county town of Ipswich (pop. 122k) on the river Orwell and Lowestoft (pop. 65k), which has the distinction of being the UK’s most easterly town. It’s also the birthplace of composer Benjamin Britten, DJ Tim Westwood and home of the Pleasurewood Hills theme park.
Secrets Bury St. Edmunds
Private Lowestoft
Exceptional and inspiring
An impressive shopping experience
Ticks almost all of the right boxes
Lacking some vital elements
Memorable for the wrong reasons
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My first destination was BSE, where I found this externally attractive store closed, as it was still early. However, opening hours (but not closing times, oddly) were on the window so I went for a walk along the pleasant shopping street it’s on, seeing Hardcore Hobbies close by. Not an adult store missing from our database; they sell BMX bikes and the like. On entering Secrets, I was struck by the bold wallpaper. Big pink flowers on a dark background are very modern but not really my taste. Grey and blue slatwall above grey-green carpet calmed things down but the overall effect was still rather clashing. Lighting was also an issue, with the magazine area - up steps by what I took to be changing rooms behind curtains - being particularly dark. A central display of novelties and lubes forced me to resist facing-up and cardboard boxes of discount DVDs (£15) and clothes (£10) on the floor also irked. So did the choice of displaying full price R18 DVDs (£24.99 - no obvious deals) staggered; a browsing turn-off. Better points were Roxana outfits (£29.95-£45.95 for nurses’ uniforms), Basix double- ended dildos amongst a good choice of toys, £7.99 chocolate body paint and a manager who gave good welcome and offered his help while dealing with the stereo. Complete with 30 minutes free parking outside the door, this compact store promised much, with a great window display and signage, and it wouldn’t take very much for it to merit a four-star rating.
Holding the record for Britain’s most easterly sex shop, this branch of Private is close to Lowestoft’s centre and also has convenient parking outside. With a frontage that almost had me trying the door to the wrong business - the actual shop entrance is pretty well disguised - I was glad to get a cheery hello and, after a sensible amount of time, an offer of assistance from the manager. I noted wood-a-like slatwall, clean blue carpet, music and perfectly adequate lighting. A rudimentary but practical mesh stand in the centre of the room held a decent range of toys and I was browsing it when a couple walked in. A busy shop then and while the manager helped them (my notes say ‘good attitude’) I entertained myself, spotting £7 bondage tape with other BDSM lines, Just4U male masturbator and a really nice touch - a 7” digital photo frame had been mounted on the wall and was displaying a slideshow of photos from the shop. Some animated pill, poster and product pictures certainly added a point of interest to an otherwise dull bit of wall. Around it, £25 DVDs were stickered 3 for £50 and 7 for £100 and I also admired the magazine collection. As I left I was offered a catalogue and given a smile; more Brownie points. So, not the best presented shop in the world but it got most things right and nothing badly wrong. It was handily just around the corner from the train station too.
Erotic Trade Only June 2011
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