LESSONS LEARNED WHILE CRUISING Jamie & Behan Gifford Foolish Fears and Fearless Fools


laughing in hysterics. That family is happily cruising and just sailed from Mexico to the Marquesas. Flipping didn’t cure anything, but did help in important ways. Change the setting: Okay, maybe


you’re not a kid anymore and you’d rather try surviving an avalanche over dingy sailing. Going out on a different boat with a different captain, crew, and style is helpful. Whether mind- gripping fears stem from a feeling of no control or lack of confidence, altering the pattern of being onboard and not feeling responsible for everything can illuminate issues to work on. Working through it takes a lot of time and trust. Dependence is “de”-problem:


“I’ve got too much respect for the


sea to go out in conditions like that.” It didn’t look so bad to me, but the tough old New England fisherman was the crest of sea-going wisdom. Salt stained and stoic he was, but his stories recalibrated my youthful notion that only fearless sailors put to sea. Being afraid, really afraid at times, shapes the way we make future decisions. I’ve been scared out of my sea boots enough times to learn what “respect for the sea” means. There are plenty of fearless sailors


around. Sail anywhere at any time types; and some of them actually leave the dock. Unfortunately, many couples and families run afoul of boating because one person is fearful. Fears of heeling, falling in, rough weather, docking, losing sight of land and the like, are very real for the afflicted. To the rest of the crew this can seem childish, illogical, and irrational. The compassionate captain tries logic. Sailboats never tip-over, well almost, because a ballasted keel makes the boat like a see-saw with a chubby kid on one end and little Oliver Twist on


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the other. Although undeniably true, the white knuckled crewmember may not feel soothed while engaged in a full body embrace of the windward primary winch and chanting in a strange language. Is there hope for want-to-be boaters plagued by an enhanced sense of fear? In 2008 we met a family preparing


for an extended cruise. Among their many preparations was working out how to solve their son’s fear of heeling and rough weather. Their leading idea was to take him out on San Francisco Bay on a rough day. Of course that would help him, in much the same way that telling someone afraid of heights to go to the top of a skyscraper and stand on the edge. A few days later this boy, and


our son Niall, were dinghy sailing. I suggested that they flip the dinghy for fun. They thought the idea crazy for a host of logical reasons. While joking about my sanity, they accidentally gybed – and flipped. An hour later, and about 200 more flips, they still kept talking about the first moment of being scared while tipping, getting wet and


Let’s face it; often boating involves an asymmetric relationship. One person loves the boating and the other person loves the relationship. Mr. or Mrs. Land- lubber want to be good onboard but the technical jargon and gymnastic boat handling overwhelm them. Add busy toddlers or a fright, such as dragging anchor during a squall, and that person can literally feel hopeless and fearful of countless what-if scenarios. Mr. or Mrs. Land-lubber would


benefit from a learning environment independent of their partner. It’s not an ego slap to the master mariner onboard, instead it takes the relationship out of learning. Adding a different perspective, new skills and patience goes a long way to confidence. Before our own cruise, Behan did an eight day confidence and skill building trip with Nancy Erley of Tethys Offshore Cruising for Women. Nancy is an excellent teacher and the experience was terrific for Behan. Do you feel it: People that spend


enough time on the water develop a feel or sense for the motion onboard. When we’re making a passage, I can be in a deep sleep, off watch, and wake up instantly with even a small change to Totem’s motion. When it doesn’t feel right, something tells me to go investigate. If you are naturally uncomfortable with a boat’s motion it never feels right. A sudden lurch or increased heeling can feel like the end is upon you. With the boys tipping the dinghy, the experience imprinted the


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