5 MINUTES
with DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER
When It Really Doesn’t Matter N
ext year heralds a half-century of my preaching, teaching, and nagging on radio. I’d like to imagine I have made an impact.
Recently I asked the audience to email me the most impactful thing they have learned from me. A message from one man brought a number of ideas together. What were they? “It doesn’t matter!” spoken in quick succession as his wife tried to weasel out of doing the right thing. She and her husband had grown apart after he became a workaholic and she responded by yelling at him when he came home. “I wonder why I do it,” the wife said. “It doesn’t matter,” he responded. “Maybe I learned it growing up,” she said. “It doesn’t matter,” he repeated. Here is where his message gets absolutely brilliant:
“We have become so accustomed to self-help and self- improvement that we don’t see our primary identity is relational,” he wrote. “We have to treat others well even if we feel the need to
work through our own problems first. We don’t need to dig down into the abyss of our insecurities, fears, trauma, or disappointments. We need to treat each other fairly.”
Do the right thing and see what happens. “But what if I’m afraid they won’t reciprocate?” he
asked. It doesn’t matter. “What if I feel fake inside?” It doesn’t matter. “What if I am still angry about things they have done or
said in the past?” It doesn’t matter. Why does it not matter? Because we are always
ultimately responsible for our behavior choices — good or bad. Behaving kindly in the midst of disappointment or anger may go a long way to attaining peace and motivation for the other person to see you as a safer place. That caller’s sudden workaholism was mostly about
avoiding his wife. Many husbands will find things to do rather than face a perpetually displeased wife. Another listener, a female, talked of not letting “healing
one’s psyche” impact being a good mother. “My trauma may not be my fault, but my healing is my responsibility — not my children’s.” I consider this a worthy legacy.
Listen to Dr. Laura on SiriusXM Channel 111, Mon.–Sat. 2–6pm ET, Sun. 5–9pm ET.
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