TRAINING SESSION
The Secret behind Effective Bonding and Rapport
DAVID H. SANDLER
There are two versions of successful bonding and rapport – the short ver- sion and the long version. Here’s the short version: Always make the prospect (or customer) feel more OK than you feel. That’s it. End of story. Do that and you’ll succeed! Making people feel not-OK about themselves is the fastest way to end a relationship – or sink the sale.
Now allow me to share the longer version of successful bonding and rapport. To begin, let’s look at the most important rule in human rela- tions, which says: The way people get to feel OK about themselves is to find someone who is more not- OK than they are.
As harsh as that sounds, it’s true.
Make yourself not-OK on purpose, and you’ll automatically make your prospect (or customer) feel OK. By being not-OK in front of your prospect, you strip away all the pre- conceived notions the prospect has inherited about your profession and about you as a salesperson. You’re not a threat when you act not-OK. Am I telling you to be unprofes- sional? Am I telling you to act stu- pid? No – on both accounts. I mean you should not flex your intellectual muscle. Don’t act superior. Don’t use buzzwords. Don’t appear to be Mr. or Ms. All-Together. Struggle a little bit!
How do you struggle on purpose?
Here are several rules to follow. 1. Use dummy-up phrases like, “I
don’t understand” or “Can you help me with that?” or “What do you mean, exactly?”
2. Even if you have every answer at your fingertips, look like you don’t.
3. Never use buzzwords. 4. Be assertive, not aggressive. 5. Allow your prospects to “know it all” and get their OK-ness needs met. Avoid one-upman- ship.
The bottom line of professional selling is going to the bank. It’s not about getting your OK-ness needs met. Want to go to the bank more often? The shortest way there is to always make the prospect (or cus- tomer) feel more OK than you feel.
Excerpted and edited from You Can’t Teach a Kid to Ride a Bike at a Seminar, by David H. Sandler. Copyright 2015 by Sandler Systems, Inc. All rights reserved. To learn more about Sandler Training, visit
www.sandler.com.
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