headache just thinking about it. Why does he always ask for the impossible?” or, “I can’t figure what went wrong with this client. What made him so uptight? I don’t think my presentation was very good...what’s wrong with me? If I had been able to turn the situation around, I would feel good now, but I feel bad about this. I could see it on his face: he didn’t like my presentation.”
6. Regorging the past (or: to reani- mate). You realize with surprise that you had similar thoughts and feelings in the past. Now you rec- ognize a mischievous connection between the recent experience and your past.
Here is what your mind may replay
from your past: “My father expected a lot from me. He never gave me much appreciation for what I did – no matter what I did, it was not good enough for him.” At this point, you may re-experi- ence old feelings of self-doubt or you may recall how frustrated you get whenever a customer gets up- tight. You feel his reactions to your well-prepared presentations are unfair. You re-experience your old desire to possess magic powers to help you break the spell. 7. Assimilation (or: to absorb). In this final phase, you reconstruct your old, comfortable state of mind with a series of thoughts, such as: “My boss expects a lot – it’s his job. I don’t have to get anxious about his expecta- tions, nor do I have to wallow in self-pity. I’ll resign myself to the fact that I need to do my best to meet the sales quota. Instead of spending my energy by fight- ing the past, I’ll concentrate on doing my job.”
Or, you may resolve your bad feel- ings about the uptight prospect with ideas like: “I can only influence the prospect’s decision...I can’t control the prospect. I’d like to, but this is not realistic. I will stop blaming myself. I did my best. In the future,
Positive Point
A missed opportunity lasts only as long as the next opportunity you make.
I will try to look closer for the early signs of customer resistance so I avoid knocking myself out.”
YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO IGNORE YOUR MIND Don’t try to ignore your mind’s seven-step process. Don’t brush off its enormous influence on your sales performance, your personal atti- tude, and your precious feelings of self-worth. Should you encounter a negative experience, don’t try to play down your reactions by pretending to be removed (“It doesn’t affect me”) when your mind is preoccupied with ruminating or regorging the past. To recognize the digestive process and facilitate its performance is your most important job. Don’t stick your head in the sand.
You won’t be able to find the solu- tions there; your problems will only grow over your head. Uncritical self-observations about the unpleas- ant meeting with your boss or your client will help more than denying your actual feelings or escaping in diversions like TV, alcohol, or drugs. (Diversions only prolong and com- plicate the digestive process.) Here are seven ideas on how to
improve your mind management abilities: 1. Stop grinding – start preparing. You don’t have to take the drama of life passively. Prepare yourself for your meeting with your boss. Expect the worst, hope for the best. Avoid indulging in unrealis- tic expectations as you travel to your prospect.
2. Stop swallowing hard – start being assertive. You don’t have to confuse “socially acceptable” behavior with the behavior of a
passive and helpless child. Tell your boss what you feel you can do and don’t hold back your ideas about an unrealistic sales forecast.
Don’t let your client “snow” you with an uptight posture or gesture. Use questions like: “You seem to be tense about this. Would you mind sharing your concerns?” You don’t need to be the “friendly buddy” of your client all the time. You’d be surprised how many more friends you can make with a direct response to a prospect’s uptight nonverbal expression. 3. Stop the hiccups – here is now. Instead of listening to the stream-of-thought bubbles in your mind, take a piece of paper. Jot down the facts. Describe what happened. The physical task of writing will burst the bubbles and help you keep the problem in a manage- able dimension.
4. Don’t hash over – appraise reality objectively! If you do, use the same technique as de- scribed above. Start listing your negative emotions on a piece of paper. Write what you feel. For example: “I feel stupid about this call. I am a lousy sales rep. I hate this customer,” etc. Com- plete the list. Then take each item and appraise your feelings realistically. Cross out each feel- ing as you gain perspective on the issues.
5. Don’t ruminate – focus on what you can do. If you’ve been able to avoid the “hiccups” and the “hashing over” in using the pencil-and-paper exercises above, you won’t go into the
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