Millie quickly became a member of
the family and Linda’s constant compan- ion. Linda trained her, cared for her, loved her. Millie faithfully and persistently returned the love. They became almost inseparable. The bond of mutual love grew stronger as Linda’s disease progressed.
A significant shift in my scope of ministry took place ten
years ago. My wife and partner in ministry, Linda, was
“
diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia, one of the neuro- cognitive disorders that falls under the umbrella we
regrettably label dementia. Since that dismal rainy day in November 2009, my world
and vocation shifted. I moved from bishop and professor to caregiver.
The global became
very local. Major concerns dominating the denomination and academia receded to the margins of my preoccupation. My daily relationships shifted from the hyper-cognitive and hyper-productive to the cognitively impaired and productively diminished.
But being with people who live on the margins shifts the margins of one’s thinking about God, about life, about the church and its mission, and about what really matters.
Bishop Kenneth L. Carder
ShiftingMargins.com
” 42 THE NEW BARKER Linda, Millie and Ken Carder Early in the disease process, Linda and
Millie took walks together and interacted in multiple ways. Millie seemed to sense the changes in Linda and always adjusted with empathy and added affection. She sensed when Linda was upset and frustrated and maintained her “non-anxious” presence in the most tumultuous times. In the last stages of Linda’s disease, she
lost the ability to respond to Millie. Yet, Millie remained faithful. She often posi- tioned herself under Linda’s bed, especially when visitors came. She assumed the pro- tector’s role, keeping her eyes fixed on the movements of the visitors. Millie seemed to sense when Linda’s
death was approaching. I don’t know how. Maybe she picked up on our feelings, or perhaps animals have a special sense at such times. After Linda’s death, Millie didn’t eat for three days. She frequently went to the door to Linda’s room and walked away with sadness in her eyes and her little tail tucked low. She was grieving. We leaned on one another for com-
fort, support, and companionship. She had been part of Linda’s story for a decade. Now, her presence helped me feel Linda’s nearness. Maybe I did the same for her. Millie gradually lost her hearing. Her
morning hours of September 16, she slow- ly drew her last breath. I quietly thanked God for her companionship with both Linda and me and for her bearing God’s own unconditional love and faithfulness. Richard Rohr, in his book, The
Universal Christ, shares that he saw in his dog, Venus, the presence of Christ, the incarnation of the universal power of life and love. Some may want to quarrel with Rohr’s theology; but I’ll leave the quarrel to others. I just know that Linda and I experienced the power of unconditional love and gentle presence in Millie. All creation originates in and is sus-
tained by God’s love, and the divine pres- ence permeates all life. The Psalmist declares in a prayer to God, “You save humans and animals alike” (36:6) and Jesus reminds us that God notes with compas- sion a sparrow’s fall (Matthew 10:29). I know from my experience, especially
in times of suffering and grief, nothing heals and comforts like gentle, loving, loyal presence. To the very end, Millie was simply with us in gentleness, loyalty, and empathy. I am ever thankful for the gift of Millie. Yes, she was an intimation of divine presence and love from which nothing in life or death can separate us.
U
www.TheNewBarker.com
vision diminished. Her dependency on me intensified. She followed my every move. When I returned to the house from errands or walks, she was waiting at the door. In recent weeks, Millie’s declining health accelerated dramatically. In the early
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