SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 2010
KLMNO By Karen M. Tracey • Edited by Peter Gordon •
www.fireballcrosswords.com The Post Puzzler No. 24
E13
NICK GALIFIANAKIS FOR THE WASHINGTON POST
Fiancee’s illness makes groom’s family ill at ease
Dear Carolyn: A friend of mine is getting married to a
woman who has multiple sclerosis. His family is very upset by this fact (along with a few other issues they have with his bride-to-be). Should something like having a chronic illness even be a consideration when choosing the person to spend the rest of your life with? I wonder if my friend is setting himself up for a very difficult road ahead.
D.C.
Of course he is. And of course a chronic illness should be a serious consideration — your friend would be doing this woman no favors if he didn’t take her prognosis heavily into account — but for many people it’s not a make-or-break consideration. The way you pose your question, I’m not sure whether the “difficult road” you anticipate is the multiple sclerosis or the disapproving family. Either way, you’re right. However, there are plenty of people who think the toughest road would be the one traveled without the person they love. Now, it’s not as if illness spins jerks
into gold; if your friend’s family has legitimate concerns about the fiancee’s character, then I do hope they’ll spell this out for him.
But if your friend feels, eyes open,
that his fiancee is the one he wants at his side, and if his family’s objection is to her illness (with the “few other issues” thrown out there as a fig leaf), then all I can say is, shame on them. Even though I utterly loathe that expression.
Dear Carolyn: How do I handle the multitude of questions that come from my daughter-in-law regarding activities or trips I’m taking? To my son I say, “I’m going to the mountains for the weekend.” He responds, “Sounds like fun,” and that is it.
Daughter-in-law says, rapid-fire, “When are you leaving, is X going with you, what will you do there, when will you be back?” I know it is her nature to be a bit nosy and I have nothing to hide, so I
CAROLYN HAX
find myself pouring everything out like she was a soul-sister. Unfortunately, she stores the
information and later throws little digs my way, like she is keeping a scorecard on where I go and whom I’m with. Her timing with these digs is remarkable, always implying that I don’t spend equal time with her kids. I need help in not buying into her nosiness in the first place.
Snow Bunny You do want to cut her ammunition
supply, but she’ll always have something; the sniping is what you need to stop. Call your daughter-in-law on the nasty asides: “If there’s something I do that bothers you, please say so — I’m happy to talk about it.” This serves notice that her snark attacks don’t scare you — they only make her look petty. After that, ignore her jabs, except to say occasionally, “Is there something you’d like to say?” Once you’ve established a firm boundary, you’ll be free to address her future inquisitions with prepared non-answers. Have a few handy that you can use in repertory: “So many questions!” “I’ll fax you a detailed itinerary.” “I’m touched that you care.” Or give your trip dates (which may be of legitimate use to her), then change the subject. With people who throw you off balance, anticipation serves as a brace.
Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or tellme@
washpost.com.
at
www.washingtonpost.com/discussions. ASK AMY
Pets’ constant barking may put them in the doghouse
Dear Amy:
My family recently moved into a new house, and it’s like a dream home. There is one problem: Our neighbor hates noise. My father and I are both deaf, while the rest of my family is hard of hearing because of a genetic disorder. We’ve discussed these issues with our neighbor and landlord and it was supposedly resolved before we moved in. We have two dogs that bark and whine when they’re alone. For the last few days, we have been gone much of the time, and our dogs have been making a lot of noise. The neighbor (a veterinarian, ironically) made several complaints about our dogs. Due to the hearing problems in my
family, any movie and music must be high-volume. Our landlord has told us that if we don’t keep things quiet, our lease will be terminated. If the neighbor moves due to the noise, our lease will also be terminated. What should we do?
Hard of Hearing Your dogs’ loud barking has no
relationship to your disability. You aren’t claiming you can’t hear the dogs — only that they bark when you’re gone. The solution for you would be the same for hearing people: Take care of your dogs so they won’t disrupt the neighbors.
If your neighbor is a veterinarian, I imagine this issue is even worse — imagine listening to distressed dogs all day long at work and then coming home to the sound of distressed dogs next door. I assume technology offers ways for your relatives to consume media without blasting it through the house. I suggest you try much harder to mitigate the noise issues you’re creating for your neighbors, before you are asked to leave.
Dear Amy: Iwork in a small office (seven
employees, three owners and four to five independent contractors). I am an
independent contractor but work in the physical office full time. The office celebrates the birthdays of each employee, owner and contractor with a cake and a card. In my first two years with this firm, my wife reminded the office manager of my birth date. This year, my third, my birthday came and went without any acknowledgment. Iwould like to say something, but I am concerned that it is (1) too late and (2) it would come off as sour grapes or, worse, make me appear hurt and needy (the nature of my position requires me to maintain a certain air of confidence). My gut tells me it is too late this year, but should I say something before it happens next year?
Seeks Office Protocol
The worst part of this issue is the risk you run by trying to correct it (i.e. sounding like a wounded kindergartner), but I agree with you that you should try. This exclusion is not good for your relationships at work, and let’s face it, cake is awesome. Because your job requires you to maintain an air of confidence, I suggest you fake it now. The day after the next office birthday
celebration, you should send the person who arranges these things an e-mail saying, “I enjoy celebrating the office birthdays with my colleagues. Thank you so much for arranging these events —but, boohoo, you keep forgetting me! “I realize people may think I’m
ageless, but every NOVEMBER 6TH I’m reminded that I’m a year older. Did I mention that I was born on NOVEMBER 6TH? And that I’m a Scorpio who loves puppies, walks in the rain and — oh yeah — cheesecake?”
Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune. com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
©2010 by the Chicago Tribune Distributed by Tribune Media Services
ONLINE DISCUSSION Carolyn Hax’s weekly Web chat is at noon Fridays
Aries (March 21-April 19) What you think about your friends
may have been true before, but it’s time for another look. Everyone in your circle is evolving, losing old beliefs, maturing and becoming more interesting, too.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) You’ll access the weirdest bits of information. Your random recollections add color and spice to your current scene. Fall in love with the way your own mind works — other people have.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) There is no denying that you have been shaped by your physical body, your relationships and your socioeconomic circumstances. And yet you feel quite certain that your life will be precisely as you create it.
Cancer (June 22-July 22) Happiness begets happiness.
Mustering up the first moments of joy will be the hardest part, but so worth the effort. Once you do it, you’ll open up an avalanche of good feeling.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You care deeply, and sometimes that
makes life painful for you. But more often, it makes life grand. Besides, it’s better than not caring at all. Apathy is a
TODAY’S HOROSCOPE Holiday Mathis
thief that robs individuals of their humanity. Embrace your own passionate sensitivity.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) The problem with being as conscientious as you are is that there are times when your head spins with so many responsibilities and possibilities that you don’t know what to do with yourself. Empty it all onto paper.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) You are an expert in the realm of
relationships, but that doesn’t mean you like to be around people at all times. In fact, right now you need more than the usual amount of space so you can gather up your energy.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) The way you decide who is or is not on your side may not be entirely effective. More people are on your side than you realize. And someone who criticizes you may actually be your best ally.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You have paid a fair price, or maybe
even a steep price, for help or goods received. You’ll get the sneaking suspicion that you can get a much better deal. Look around, and you will.
CUL DE SAC Richard Thompson
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) The bustle isn’t for you. Not now.
You’ll amble along at a leisurely, strolling pace because the wise are also unhurried. Your economy of movement, money and time makes you most appealing to other wise folk.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Everyone will take away something
different from today’s scene. Let your loved ones do and enjoy things in their own way, instead of stepping in and trying to “improve” the experience.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) You know what is going to happen
next. You’ve seen this one before. The faces may be different, but the situation is the same. Of course, it’s not too late to change the outcome if you don’t like the direction it’s going.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAY | SEPT. 19: Loved ones celebrate you. Over the next 10 weeks, you’ll work on polishing skills, and when you apply yourself where you can really be appreciated, you’ll be paid handsomely. This may require research, travel and interviews. November and January are lucky times to make a move, renovate or invest. Scorpio and Aquarius people adore you. © 2010, Creators Syndicate
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