known as pico de gallo. “Just mix them together,” she instructed. (Um, why am I paying $15 to assemble an appetizer?) There are chips on the side of the plate to use as scoops, but they’re so fragile, they snap apart on contact with the tartare. (And, why, despite all the components, is the appetizer so lackluster?) Odds are in your favor here if you


like sugar and mayonnaise. Sugar, in particular, is used with abandon in this kitchen. You encounter sweetness in the sauce that borders that tuna tartare and again in the vaguely spicy red curry with shrimp, and yet again with one night’s special roll involving salmon, tuna and tropical fruit that brought to mind Hawaiian Punch. The dark bamboo tables are


attractive but impractical, because anything more than three dishes becomes a crowd. Despite the servers’ best efforts at maneuvering, patrons find themselves surrendering all but what’s absolutely essential to accommodate their orders. “Does anyone want sugar?” a server asked at one point, removing a condiment holder along with our water glasses. At a recent lunch, we’re encouraged


to order the beef sliders. “We’re having a competition on who can sell the most,” our waitress says, then starts spinning: “But I wouldn’t recommend


anything I didn’t like.” The only detail I can appreciate on the plate is the toasted buns. Otherwise, the three two- bite hamburgers are a little dry (and sweet from their sauce). The “truffle- flavored” french fries that come with them aren’t just false advertising, they’re clearly commercial. The adage that frying makes just


about anything edible is true when it comes to starters of rock shrimp and calamari. In the first dish, the crackle of tempura gives way to the juiciness of the seafood, streaked with a chili- fueled mayonnaise that reinforces the richness of the appetizer. Salt and pepper calamari is true to its description, and hot (with jalapeño rings) to boot. If you absolutely, positively need to sate your curiosity about this extravaganza, these are the nibbles to seek out. It might be hard to hear the crunch


in the former or spot the heat source in the latter, at least at dinner. As the evening progresses, the music amps up and the lights go down. Miners’ helmets should have been part of the design budget here. The antidote to most bad meals:


booze. But the cocktails at Buddha Bar hark to a time before ice was treated with reverence and bartenders became artists. The sweet mixed drinks here appear to have been created in a tiki hut, hold the little umbrellas. That old warhorse, chocolate cake


with a fluid chocolate center, is trotted out for dessert. I tried it so you don’t have to. The strawberry tart surprises me, and in a pleasant way: Unlike just about everything else at Buddha Bar, it keeps its sweetness in check. The original Buddha Bar opened


Score: tempura rock shrimp.


in Paris in 1996. Built for an estimated $10 million, Washington’s Buddha Bar is the world’s 12th. Among its thoughtful amenities are leather stands for purses and sleek carafes for diners to dispense their own sodas and iced tea. In the end, though, Buddha Bar is just a garish theme park with too few worthy attractions: the “Real Housewives” of D.C. restaurants.


Ask Tom will return.


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