Also Widely Read By Men
Page 16 One For The Boys?
You may have heard that just last month the U.K. Government Home Offi ce instigated a debate into an aspect of domestic violence – controlling behavior – which would be regarded as a form of abuse and this psychological/ emotional abuse would be criminalised, like physical or sexual abuse.
I have seen the impact of such behaviour many times in my work with patients. A charming - to everyone else outside the home - partner or spouse controls, often subtly and sometimes imperceptibly in the early days of a relationship. Ultimately the abused individual has no physical, psychological or sometimes sexual autonomy, to the point where they become anxious depressives with no life outside the home. Friendship or colleague support networks are denied them and no remnants of self-worth exist and there is no joy in their life. What makes this worse is that in many cases the abuse is invisible outside of the home.
In my experience this type of abuse is most often perpetrated by men on women, but this is not always the case. It is often diffi cult for a woman to talk about abuse within the home, so many are silenced by the shame they feel, as if they are
somehow responsible for the behaviour of their partner. Imagine then how
much worse might that be for a man who suffers in this way in the home, and believe me this does happen. Emotional, physical and sexual abuse of men by woman does occur and the impact on the personality is just as devastating. Estimates suggest that 40% of domestic violence victims are male (across straight and gay relationships) and yet this crime is many times more under-reported than abuse against women.
For a man it is diffi cult to talk to anybody about such repeated abuse - and it is this repetition that causes the longer-term damage. He is supposed to be a man, the boss, the strong one so how does he go against the social stigma and admit to others that he is beaten and dominated by his female partner, especially when this domination is sexual? Cases exist too of where men have been arrested after being denounced by a bruised woman only for the sad reality to emerge when the man is examined by a police doctor.
If you are in an abusive relationship there is help available, whether through psychotherapy or not. These are some sources of help:
www.mankind.org.uk -
www.womensaid.org.uk -
www.brokenrainbow.org.uk -
www.respect.uk.net.
Thanks for reading. Stephen Ashley. Registered Gradulate Psychotherapist. Telephone: 667 764 412, email:
steveinaltea@gmail.com, website:
www.onthecouchwithsteve.com.
Female Focus
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