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Underneath painful situations and relationships is the empowering and healing truth that we’re not actually victims in any way, because we’re the ones who have compromised ourselves for the conditional love.

by Blake D. Bauer

IT’S OFTEN NOT UNTIL WE ALLOW other people to treat us horribly and therefore feel worthless or valueless that we realise our approach to ourselves and to life truly needs to change. Unfortunately, things have to get so bad, so painful, or so out of control for most us before we realise how important it is to honour and value ourselves consistently in every moment, situation, and relationship. For those of us who never learned

to love ourselves, and for those of us who often feel inadequate, insecure, undeserving, or unworthy of love, we will constantly abandon and betray ourselves for the love of others to the point where we repeatedly find ourselves in situations and relationships where we feel used, unappreciated, valueless, or worthless to those around us as well as to ourselves. Underneath these painful situations


and relationships, however, is the empowering and healing truth that we’re not actually victims in any way, because we’re the ones who have compromised ourselves for the conditional love, acceptance, approval, attention, and support of other people and thus can change this self-destructive pattern. If we look at ourselves honestly, most

of us will see that we often do not honour and value what we truly think, feel, want, and need, because we’re afraid to, we don’t know how to, or we don’t feel that we deserve to. In other words, we all compromise ourselves to varying degrees on a daily basis just to ‘keep the peace’ and to avoid confrontation. Some of us compromise ourselves in every situation and relationship because we unconsciously believe that we must always please others or make others happy in order to be loved, accepted,

approved of, attended to, or supported. Some of us don’t compromise ourselves nearly as much but still find it challenging at times to love, honour, and value ourselves fully. What most of us don’t realise until

we’ve allowed our own sense of self- worth and self-respect to reach zero is that in every moment, situation, and relationship where we do not honour and value ourselves, we are compromising who we really are and ultimately hurting ourselves far more deeply than we know. This hurt that we all unconsciously inflict upon ourselves then creates deep anger, frustration, resentment, hatred, and dissatisfaction within us. Knowing this, in every moment

of every day we are either loving, honouring, and valuing ourselves or we are compromising, abandoning, and hurting ourselves. In each situation

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42 march 2014


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