RED GREEN
RED GREEN
www.redgreen.com
Quote of the Day “I move slowly because I’m
not sure where I’m going” – Red Green
How Men and Women Work It’s always helpful to identify the difference
between men and women in the interest of universal peace and global warming. To that end, I’ve noticed that men and women generally have a different approach to work. Women are doers. Men are delegators. Women pride themselves on maximizing their own personal productivity. Men pride themselves on getting someone else to do the job. That’s why women are hands-on while
men prefer power tools. We’re programmed for work avoidance. It’s not our fault. The human reproductive process is the model for all other forms of man-woman interaction. The man is there for the first five minutes for all the fun and excitement and at the end of the meeting, the woman takes sole responsibility for the project for the next nine months.
GETTING SHORT WITH TALL GUYS I’m not a tall person. Just barely average
height, actually. So I’ve always had tall guys around me, taking charge, attracting women, helping me find my car in a crowded parking lot, that kind of thing. I always feel somehow disadvantaged around tall guys so I’d like to use this space for a little “get even” time. I know the tall guys won’t listen, but maybe
you normal people will. First of all, tall guys are here to mate with tall women and have tall children to ensure the future of the NBA. A short guy going out with a tall girl takes a special kind of man who is very well adjusted and doesn’t have a bald spot. Short guys want to go out with short girls.
42 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
Short girls are hard to find and short attractive girls are a small percentage of that group. So when a tall guy starts dating an attractive short girl, all of the Laws of Nature are at risk. Tall guys should not be allowed to go out with short girls. They should have a sign on their tie saying “You must be this tall to go on this ride”.
And don’t be fooled, ladies. Just because a
guy is tall doesn’t mean he’s smart. His brain has a lot of heavy work to do – moving that huge body around without falling over, ducking under doorways, and avoiding lightning. A short guy’s brain can think about other things – like you. Short guys make better lovers. They’re more responsive, more attentive, more grateful. And they won’t get in your way personally or professionally. With a short guy, you can have your ear to the ground and still maintain eye contact.
TEN SIGNS YOU’RE TAKING EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED 1.
In a group photo taken recently, you have trouble picking out your wife.
2. You drive in the car for three hours without speaking and that’s fine with her.
3. The cancellation of Wheel of Fortune would create a depressing void in both of your lives.
4. For your anniversary you bought her the exact same ball cap you bought her last year. And she didn’t notice.
5. Your wife discusses your medical condition with her friends while you’re present and then wants you to show them the scar.
6. You can use your meals as a calendar. Meat Loaf is Monday; Chicken is Tuesday; McDonald’s is Payday…
7. A sit-down dinner at your house involves TV trays. 8. On a night when you’re working late, you call home to tell her, and that makes her suspicious.
9. Neither of you goes to bed until you’re really really tired.
10. Your wife bought matching shirts so you could be each other once in a while.
KISSING BUTT MEETS A TRAGIC END The new corporate operating policies are
really messing with the ‘suck up’ system that was firmly established during the development of the industrialized world. It used to be that you would come in at an
entry level position in someone’s department, like, say, Howard’s department, and then you would curry favor with Howard over the next 10 years, following him up the corporate ladder until he
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