Please to remember the fifth of November, Gunpowder, Treason and Plot. We know no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot. Guy Fawkes Night or Bonfire Night is a much-loved date on the calendar, especially by cheeky little kids up and down the length and breadth of Britain. It's usually celebrated on the night of 5 November and commemorates the day when Guy or Guido Fawkes and his fellow band of Catholic conspirators were foiled in their dastardly plot to blow up the Houses of Parliament in 1605, a day when King James I was in session for the State Opening. The historical significance of the evening has faded somewhat, but come 5 November, Britain is aglow with orange bonfires and burning effigies of naughty old Guy, fireworks screaming across the crisp autumn night. Guy Fawkes Night is magical. Traditionally, people would cook potatoes in the bonfires and enjoy the black, crunchy bits. And bonfire night would not be right without a healthy dose of treacle toffee, famous for removing fillings. So here’s a recipe. Treacle Toffee To Stick Jaws Shut · Ingredients: 2 1/2 cups soft brown sugar 1/2 cup Demerara sugar (crystalized, light brown sugar) 2/3 cup water 1/4 cup black treacle 1/4 cup butter 1 teaspoon vinegar Recommended equipment: Thermometer. Before you start, butter a low-side cake-tin and set aside, you'll be pouring the toffee in it for setting later. Place ingredients in large heavy pan and heat slowly, stirring constantly until sugar dissolves. Then, cover and bring to a strong boil. To keep mixture from sticking to the bottom, stir for the next 10 minutes, or until your mixture reaches 280ºF. If you don't have a thermometer and you want to check that your mixture is ready, drop a little of the mixture, into a glass of cold water. If it forms a hard ball, then the toffee is ready to be set. Pour into the tin you prepared and let cool. When the toffee is half set, mark it into squares. When the toffee is hard, break it up, and get stuck in.


There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.


The following are sentences taken from actual letters received by welfare departments on applications for support:


• I am writing the welfare department to say my baby was born 2 years old. When do I get my money? • Mrs. Jones had not have any clothes for a year and has been visited regularly by the clergy. • I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why. • I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. • This is my eight child. What are you going to do about it. • Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I am living with can't eat or drink until he knows. • I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born. • In answer to your letter, I have birth to a boy weighing ten pounds: I hope this is satisfactory. • I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my three children; one of which is a mistake as you can see. • My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since. • Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. • You have changed my little boy into a girl. Will this make any difference. • I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day. • In accordance with your instruction, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. • I want money as quick as I can get, so I have been in bed with doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve I will have to send for another doctor. • I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.


What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy ? I don’t know and I don’t care.


9.


Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic ? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.


33.


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