chatter can come up with ten in under a second! The quickest route to figuring out what your Pro-Child Way is, is in recognizing what it isn’t.
Step 2:
Shrug your shoulders.
In identifying what you’re NOT going to say, you’ve likely arrived at that awkward moment when you haven’t a clue as to how to proceed. Admit it freely! For it’s in that space of quiet unknown that you can hear the child’s heart the loudest. Shrug, grab a coffee, meditate, go for a walk, take a long shower, whatever appeals to you, just give yourself the time to not know. Never-mind your ex’s tap- ping foot or your co-workers baited breath, it isn’t their opinion that matters. If you asked the child, she’d tell you to take all the time you need for her benefit.
Step 3:
Speak the Pro-Child Way.
Step 1:
Consider what not to do.
Quick, when considering the Nur- turing Principle, what would be the thing NOT to do or say? “Visita- tion-shmizitation, who cares what my ex thinks! I’m telling him junior wants to stay with me tonight!” Or in Grannie’s dilemma, how about, “Come here pumpkin, I’ll give you all the hugs and cookies you need since your pathetic mom skipped out on you and your dad!” See? It’s pretty easy to come up with what NOT to say. Hollywood is a good place for inspiring “Old Way” scenarios but I’m sure your mind’s
Using the Nurturing Prin- ciple as your guide, weigh your words. When you speak it, will it show love to the child? Will your words surround him or her in security as opposed to exposing her to vulnerability? If the child were to hear these words, would she recognize that she was deeply considered?
From a mom, “I hear that you want to stay here, but I also know that dad loves you very much and that you love dad. You being with dad tonight is a good thing! You know, we can think of each other and still have fun apart at the same time. I’ll be happy knowing that you’re get- ting to be with dad. Now, come on
aspiremag.net
it’s time to go. Would you like me to carry you or hold your hand as you walk?” Or grandma’s reassur- ances, “I know that mom doesn’t live with you and dad anymore, but that doesn’t change her love for you! I remember when you were born and saw your mom shower you with love and kisses, nothing is going to change that. Right now, mom needs to be away. And, be- cause we love her, we’ll understand that being away from you doesn’t mean that she loves you any less.”
The Pro-Child Way isn’t a set list of procedures or phrases laid out in a book; lists don’t take THIS child and THIS situation into consider- ation. Only you, guided by the Nurturing Principle, can know the Pro-Child Way for the divorce situation that’s before you. The wonderful part is that it reveals itself, when you allow it.
What is the point of all of this ado? For a child to smile. But what if you’ve already travelled down the Old Way path? The good news is that children are wonder- fully resilient and acclimate easily to new attitudes - especially ones that make them smile. All it takes is you making the choice to change direction towards the Pro-Child Way.
Mindful mom, thinker, and author, Ellen Kellner, guides parents through The Pro-Child WaySM of nurturing their child’s spirit through her intu- ition, discernment, and experience.
www.TheProChildWay.com
“Ellen’s book, The Pro-Child Way: Parenting with an Ex details mindful solutions to tricky divorced-parent- ing situations.”
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