Mindful Divorced-Parenting:
What is Your Pro-Child Way?
By Ellen Kellner
Many people are touched by divorce. How is it reaching you? Perhaps a friend or co- worker is going through it. Perhaps you’re watching with the eyes of a grandparent as your own child goes through the experience. Or, perhaps it is your life, your experi- ence, your reality. No matter your distance from the divorce epicen- ter, it involves you, and now you, in-turn have an influence over its course.
So when faced with a divorce based scenario, what do you say? What flows from you is worth your consideration, especially when children are involved. Are you speaking the Pro-Child Way?
Long before you respond to a matter concerning the divorce, it’s critical for you to consider the child involved. Simply taking the time to funnel your answer through aware- ness of this child could drastically alter your words. As your co-work- er is taking a breath while relaying to you his or her divorce-related episode, imagine the difference in the continued re-telling if instead of commiserating with “what a jerk!” you ask, “how does your child
58
feel about this?” Not only do you shift the course of discussion, but perhaps a shift is also possible in your co-worker’s heart.
With every divorced-parenting moment, you have the choice to either participate in the current direction or to guide it another way. Whether you’re at the periph- ery of the divorce or at it’s center, your words effect the continued path. This is always true: even when your ex is in the middle of screaming at you.
Nurturing Principle: A child
needs love, patience, kindness, security, consistency, and consid- eration. These are not reserved just for children who are a part of in-tact families. These are not reserved for children whose parents are going through a “friendly divorce.” EVERY child’s soul deserves this. This Nurturing Principle should be at the heart of all discussions, choices, and ac- tions along the divorced-parenting path. But knowing this and apply- ing it to specific divorced-parenting situations is often easier intended then actualized.
June/July 2010
As a mom, you may want to give your child consistency as you navigate visitation schedules, but as your child is crying on the bedroom floor, how? As a grand- parent, you may want to surround your grandchild in love, but how do you express that in the midst of his or her divorced home-life? And as the friend, how can you encour- age patience when it’s your job to fortify your buddy’s drama? That feeling in your stomach may be suggesting a child-centered route, but expressing it isn’t always clear. How do you determine that nurturing path?
Page 1 |
Page 2 |
Page 3 |
Page 4 |
Page 5 |
Page 6 |
Page 7 |
Page 8 |
Page 9 |
Page 10 |
Page 11 |
Page 12 |
Page 13 |
Page 14 |
Page 15 |
Page 16 |
Page 17 |
Page 18 |
Page 19 |
Page 20 |
Page 21 |
Page 22 |
Page 23 |
Page 24 |
Page 25 |
Page 26 |
Page 27 |
Page 28 |
Page 29 |
Page 30 |
Page 31 |
Page 32 |
Page 33 |
Page 34 |
Page 35 |
Page 36 |
Page 37 |
Page 38 |
Page 39 |
Page 40 |
Page 41 |
Page 42 |
Page 43 |
Page 44 |
Page 45 |
Page 46 |
Page 47 |
Page 48 |
Page 49 |
Page 50 |
Page 51 |
Page 52 |
Page 53 |
Page 54 |
Page 55 |
Page 56 |
Page 57 |
Page 58 |
Page 59 |
Page 60 |
Page 61 |
Page 62 |
Page 63 |
Page 64 |
Page 65 |
Page 66 |
Page 67 |
Page 68 |
Page 69 |
Page 70 |
Page 71 |
Page 72 |
Page 73 |
Page 74 |
Page 75 |
Page 76 |
Page 77 |
Page 78 |
Page 79 |
Page 80 |
Page 81 |
Page 82 |
Page 83 |
Page 84 |
Page 85 |
Page 86 |
Page 87 |
Page 88 |
Page 89 |
Page 90 |
Page 91 |
Page 92 |
Page 93 |
Page 94 |
Page 95 |
Page 96 |
Page 97 |
Page 98 |
Page 99 |
Page 100