Home for the homeless
Small gag A dwarf goes to a very busy doctor and asks, “I know you’re very busy but can you add me to your list?” The doctor says, “OK but you’ll have to be a little patient.”
Profanity On leaving church a member of the congregation stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, “Vicar, that was a damned fine sermon!” The Vicar said, “Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.” The man replied, “Hell I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!” “No shit!” said the vicar.
A question of age
Seventy year old Bob, the extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the boat club with a breathtakingly beautiful 25- year-old blonde who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His mates at the club are aghast. They corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend? She's my wife!” says Bob.
“So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?” they asked. “I lied about my age,” Bob replies.
“What, did you tell her you were only 50?” they ask. Bob smiles, “No, “ he says, “I told her I was 90.”
Caption for tractor-bike photo in the July/August issue: Out on the pull. Nicholas Whitehead, Cardiff.
The extreme wit zone
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid- twenties.
The circus owner tells them, “This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment - - chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?” The girl says, “I'll go first.”
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right
into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge. She throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and licks and kisses her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor.
He turns to the retired golfer
and asks, “Can you top that?” “No problem,” says the golfer, “just get that lion out of there.”
Skirts are cool
A dozen male train drivers in Sweden have circumvented a ban on shorts by wearing skirts to work in hot weather. Employer Arriva banned the drivers from wearing shorts after taking over the running of the line in January.
But the company has given the men its blessing to wear skirts, according to local newspaper Mitti.
“Our thinking is that one Exam questions
Q In which battle did Napoleon die? A His last battle
Q Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A At the bottom of the page
Q River Ravi flows in which state? A liquid
QWhat is the main reason for divorce? A marriage
Q What is the main reason for failure? A Exams
Q What can you never eat for breakfast? A Lunch & dinner
Q What looks like half an apple? A The other half
Q If you throw a red stone into
the blue sea what it will become? A It will simply become wet
Q How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? A No problem, he sleeps at night
Q How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A You will never find an elephant that has only one hand
Q If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? A Very large hands
Q If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A No time at all, the wall is already built
Q How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack
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should look decent when representing Arriva and the present uniforms do that. If a man wants to wear a skirt then that is OK,” Arriva Communications Manager Tomas Hedenius said. “To tell them to do something else would be discrimination.”
When the price tag position counts
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