POSTCARDS PASSED:p82 Postcards passed 17/03/2009 09:59 Page 72
POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE
It’s all in a
day’s
work….
Paul
www.bgdf.co.uk
Stephenson
The prospect of dodgy DIY and visits from
Printwear
the in-laws is enough to drive any man or woman
&
to work, as Paul Stephenson explains
Promotion
D
.I.Y. stands for Destroy It Yourself. Most up pencil……and of course, it won’t close. My
sensible men know this, resulting in the hat’s out the window, I’m sweating, and bare printing
invention of the sofa, the bottled chested have invented two dozen entirely new techniques.
availability of Old Bishop’s Todger, and the seven swear words; the children are hiding under a Perhaps by the end of
hundred episodes of Top Gear now showing – if blanket, the cat’s left home and I’ve just planed off this article, I’ll feel like there is
my Mrs ever finds Dave, he’s going to get a my left knee….and the door? Yep, she’s fitting like something I know about, something I can do.
kicking. There are some blokes out there in the a guerilla’s thong. Let’s start with plastisol, not always politically
shed of course, splicing their miters and nibbing a By the time the door closes, I’ve gouged out a correct, but the printer’s Monday morning
chamfer, butting up to a dovetail and giving huge hole in a perfect position, so that on favourite. If you’ve had eight pints and an Alsatian
something a damn good routing, but as a rule reaching the top of the stairs, and should the Tikka Masala the night before, you’re in no rush
they end up back on a dating website, trying to mother in law be on the throne, one would be met with this stuff. It doesn’t block in the screen, it
type in their details with a missing finger. with what can only be described as a paralyzing doesn’t eat the emulsion, you can Krebs clean off
But economies are required, and with the blood view into the jaws of death. any stray ink marks on the garment - it goes
curdling prospect of a toilet door that won’t close, And so, such is my neatly back in the pot and doesn’t need a month
and the arrival of the Mother in Law for a sense of failure, in the dryer to cure. Basically you can print while
weekend of unbridled comedy and happiness, impotence and having a fag and reading The Racing Post, if that
there came a clear instruction from the general pathetic was still allowed of course….cough, but keep an
management: excuse for a bloke eye on Galloping Whoopsie in the 3.30 at
‘Turn off that car programme – I’m sick of feeling, that I have Sandown.
wardrobe head, the big woman in the flowery been driven this Upsides: ultra bright colours on dark T-s, check
blouse and that dwarf; get upstairs now, and month to those neons for all the nu ravers; with different
get your chisel out!’ talk bases you can make it stretchy, you can make it
It’s marginally safer to wear a white about crack, you can make it puff up like a Hovis loaf or
pointy hat in Harlem than argue with tell it off and make it lay down low, especially if
my most special, and so I found it’s been naughty – unless you want to gloss it up
myself, tool in hand at the and make it shine of course, and then it’ll catch
bathroom door. It always starts so the moonlight like a school boy’s bum out the
well doesn’t it – one measures, mini bus window. Make her feel like suede, make
one assesses, one licks one’s pencil her stick to nylon like hot fudge on a blanket,
and makes a few notes; pushing print her over a seam and keep looking neat -
my flat cap back on the head at a plastisol is that lovely girl who in the old
jaunty tradesman’s angle, I days, when all else failed, would have you over
looked like I could French polish for the afternoon to, ‘listen to records’… a true
a Chippendale before breakfast - friend. And it’ll hold a cleaner crisper graphic line
what could possibly go wrong? or dot than water based. In Italy once, I even saw
So I smooth a bit off….it won’t plastisol being distorted into bonkers shapes with
close…..so I chisel a bit off….it won’t electric wires in the print bed, but we’d better not
close…..the electric sander comes out…….it go that far.
won’t close……. my mouth is full of gnashed Downsides – one, and it’s a biggie – you can
| 72 | April 2009 www.printwearandpromotion.co.uk
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