From physical interaction to autonomous interdependence R.L. Selman is a psychologist who


studies human relationships. He wrote about friendship in several works in the 1970s and 1980s, including The Growth of Interpersonal Understanding.


Selman believes that people go through five stages in forming friendships. Most people travel through the stages in childhood, reaching the final stage in adulthood.


The first stage, which he calls Stage 0, is termed Momentary Physical Interaction. It occurs between three and seven years old. In this stage, children start friendships simply on closeness. A ‘friend’ is a person who happens to be near them at a particular time.


Stage 1 is called One-Way Assistance. This stage usually occurs in children from four to nine years old. During this stage, children begin to realize that their friends can be useful. For example, with friends the child can play a game which he/she cannot play alone. Children also start to know their friend’s likes and dislikes.


Stage 2 is named Fair-Weather Cooperation and occurs in children between six and twelve years old. In this stage, children become more accepting of others and understand that relationships should be reciprocal. In other words, each person gives something to the friendship. However, this kind of friendship is still based on same interests and opinions. Arguments often arise and tend to result in an end to the friendship. This explains the name. The friendship lasts while the weather is fair (good), but as soon as a storm arrives, it ends.


stage 0 1 2 3 4 age 3–7 4–9 relationship You are near me. You can help me. 6–12 We agree. 9–15 We need each other. 12–? We help each other. Figure 1: Selman’s five-stage model


Selman calls Stage 3 Intimate and Mutual Sharing. It occurs when children are between nine and fifteen years old. During this stage, children become aware of the importance of friendships. They tend to become possessive with their friends and are very jealous of relationships which their friends have with others.


Selman’s Stage 4 is called Autonomous Interdependence. This stage lasts from approximately 12 years old to adulthood. In this stage, people realize the true meaning of friendship. They see that it involves relying on each other, getting strength from each other, becoming more aware of yourself and accepting other friendship relationships which your friend has.


According to Selman, some people do not move through all the stages. Instead, they become stuck at one of the earlier stages, even in adult life.


Theme 2: Portfolio 71


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28  |  Page 29  |  Page 30  |  Page 31  |  Page 32  |  Page 33  |  Page 34  |  Page 35  |  Page 36  |  Page 37  |  Page 38  |  Page 39  |  Page 40  |  Page 41  |  Page 42  |  Page 43  |  Page 44  |  Page 45  |  Page 46  |  Page 47  |  Page 48  |  Page 49  |  Page 50  |  Page 51  |  Page 52  |  Page 53  |  Page 54  |  Page 55  |  Page 56  |  Page 57  |  Page 58  |  Page 59  |  Page 60  |  Page 61  |  Page 62  |  Page 63  |  Page 64  |  Page 65  |  Page 66  |  Page 67  |  Page 68  |  Page 69  |  Page 70  |  Page 71  |  Page 72  |  Page 73  |  Page 74  |  Page 75  |  Page 76  |  Page 77  |  Page 78  |  Page 79  |  Page 80  |  Page 81  |  Page 82  |  Page 83  |  Page 84  |  Page 85  |  Page 86  |  Page 87  |  Page 88  |  Page 89  |  Page 90  |  Page 91  |  Page 92  |  Page 93  |  Page 94  |  Page 95  |  Page 96  |  Page 97  |  Page 98  |  Page 99  |  Page 100  |  Page 101  |  Page 102  |  Page 103  |  Page 104  |  Page 105  |  Page 106  |  Page 107  |  Page 108  |  Page 109  |  Page 110  |  Page 111  |  Page 112  |  Page 113  |  Page 114  |  Page 115  |  Page 116  |  Page 117  |  Page 118  |  Page 119  |  Page 120  |  Page 121  |  Page 122  |  Page 123  |  Page 124  |  Page 125  |  Page 126  |  Page 127  |  Page 128  |  Page 129  |  Page 130  |  Page 131  |  Page 132  |  Page 133  |  Page 134  |  Page 135  |  Page 136  |  Page 137  |  Page 138  |  Page 139  |  Page 140  |  Page 141  |  Page 142  |  Page 143  |  Page 144  |  Page 145  |  Page 146  |  Page 147  |  Page 148  |  Page 149  |  Page 150  |  Page 151  |  Page 152  |  Page 153  |  Page 154  |  Page 155  |  Page 156  |  Page 157  |  Page 158  |  Page 159  |  Page 160  |  Page 161  |  Page 162  |  Page 163  |  Page 164  |  Page 165  |  Page 166  |  Page 167  |  Page 168  |  Page 169  |  Page 170  |  Page 171  |  Page 172  |  Page 173  |  Page 174  |  Page 175  |  Page 176  |  Page 177  |  Page 178  |  Page 179  |  Page 180  |  Page 181  |  Page 182  |  Page 183  |  Page 184  |  Page 185  |  Page 186  |  Page 187  |  Page 188  |  Page 189  |  Page 190  |  Page 191  |  Page 192  |  Page 193  |  Page 194  |  Page 195  |  Page 196  |  Page 197  |  Page 198  |  Page 199  |  Page 200  |  Page 201  |  Page 202  |  Page 203  |  Page 204  |  Page 205  |  Page 206  |  Page 207  |  Page 208  |  Page 209  |  Page 210  |  Page 211  |  Page 212  |  Page 213  |  Page 214  |  Page 215  |  Page 216