life from a dog’s perspective. O Doors of PPORTUNITY.
BEING A KIBBLE-POWERED LOW RIDER, I’m always on the prowl for bacon treats and rogue intruders. Can you dig it?
T
There is one nemesis that continues to set off my Super Puppy Power Home Defense System. Mommy calls it a doorstop. I call it a spring- loaded imposter. And they are everywhere. Now, before you think I’m barking up the
wrong tree, let me tell you that doorstop’s behavior is suspect at best. Who knows what those sneaky little cowards are up to; hiding behind open doors and acting all stealthy. Not in my doghouse. When I find them, I give them one quick sniff, then proceed with my attack. BOING! BOING! BOING! Those bouncy little protrusions are right at my level and the more I pounce at them, the more they bounce back at me. Occasionally, I even take a nip at my snappy opposition. They can put up quite a fight trying to defy my superpowers, but they are no match for my Mad Dog Skills. One day, in the heat of battle, I decided to
further perfect my tactical advantage, positioning my stance from the opposite direction. That’s when it happened. My furry bum smacked up against the door and it clicked shut. I couldn’t concern myself at that moment
with technicalities of what had just happened. Once I finished taking down my enemy, I more
carefully inspected this interesting event. What if my fluffy bum had acquired its own
super powers? Would I need to register it as a lethal weapon with the FBI (Fluffy Bum Intelligence) Agency? Come to find out, I have ultra SNOUT to NUB powers even I didn’t know I possessed. To test my theory, I went around and started nosing doors until they closed. DAWG! Now, this is emPAWerment! But, with great powers come great responsibili- ties. Of course, I don’t know what that means, but it seems whisker-worthy. So, I decided I should inform that evil bath-
tub Sea Monster of my new superpower. I ran in the bathroom and confidently nosed the door. CLICK! Ruh-Roh. I was in the dark! I could hear Mr. Doorstop snickering. And suddenly, I imagined that Sea Monster about to bust loose. I just knew he was coming after me with a vis- cous water spray attack! I was trapped in the dark with no way out! I quickly engaged my emer- gency EMP (Electro Magnetic Paws). *POW!* The door swings open and there’s... Mommy? Some doors open and some doors shut.
But, nothing compares to the sweet smell of Freedom. Or, wait - is that bacon?
U
Life from a Dog’s Perspective is a series written exclusively for The New Barker by Guinness, the Pembroke Welsh Corgi, as told to his hooman, Lon Martin. Photograph of Guinness by Lon Martin.
108 THE NEW BARKER
www.TheNewBarker.com
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