life from a dog’s perspective. Every Bite You Take
Every snack you make Every meal you bake Every slab of steak Every bite you take I'll be watching you. – The Paw-leash
The Canine Connoisseur knows there’s kibble and then there’s the ‘paws de résistance’ – the all but forbidden: Hooman Food! So, all you young barks out there looking for a leg up on how
to maximize your cache of savory swag, perk up your ears. God made you irresistibly adorable and cool for a reason (mostly to make cats jealous). But, the simple fact is, we have the tactical advantage of procurement by mastering one thing – the meltdown stare. Oh yes. We may be engineered with ultra-sonic ears that can hear a chip bag being opened two rooms away, and our snout can register even the faintest waft of palatable edibles, but it’s our saucer plate sized eyes of longing – with a heavy dose of ‘don’t you feel guilty?’ that no one can withstand. It takes practice. Hone it ‘til you own it, Dawg. Mommy is a pushover. I give her the big eyes, a little drool
(usually on her toes) and boom! Reward Central. But Daddy? He’s more interesting. First, he forbids me to even be in the same room when he’s scarfing down the good stuff. He insists (get this) that I wait in the next room. Are you arffing kidding me? Here’s the thing, Daddy is the one with the paws down whisker-smacking ultimate fare. And, I know with him, eventually, I’m going to get some big-dog size chunks of primo meat or crust. I have a dog theory on why Daddy makes me wait in the
next room. He knows the subtle dangers of my dog mind control when I can get a full-on meltdown bring-the-bite-to-me power-stare going. This is not the pizza you were hungry for. Give it to the dog. It’s really very powerful. It’s a gift that came with the cape. In closing, remember there are two basic temptations in the
axiom, common among all canine chompions: The lust for the fresh, The crust of the pies Are the prize of life. – Sir Guinness the Dog, PhD (Professor of Hooman Delectables)
U
Life from a Dog’s Perspective, a series written exclusively for The New Barker by Guinness, the Pembroke Welsh Corgi (as told to his hooman, Lon Martin). Photograph by Lon Martin.
100 THE NEW BARKER
www.TheNewBarker.com
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