For Friends


My friend told me they were abused


Friendships are precious in our lives and when someone we care about discloses an experience of sexual abuse, it can be a huge challenge to know how to respond or what to do with this information.


If a friend discloses their experience of sexual abuse to you, it is important for them to hear from you that you believe them, want to support them and recognise their courage in telling you. Your friend might have intended to tell you, or might have disclosed almost by accident, perhaps as part of another conversation. Initially your friend might wish they had not told you or they might be quite relieved to have told someone. This is difficult to predict and will depend on their individual situation, the other people involved and the nature of your friendship. Your friend might want to talk more about what has happened to them in future conversations, or else may not want to discuss it at all. Being able to reassure your friend that this new knowledge doesn’t change your care for them will help both of you.


Disclosing abuse can be distressing and it is important that your friend has a range of supports in place and information about professional counsellors who are experienced in dealing with childhood sexual abuse.


If your friend is under 18 years of age and tells you they have been sexually abused, you may want to notify the Child Abuse Report Line. (See back of booklet for number)


It might be that while you do care for your friend and wish you could support them, this disclosure has been a shock for you and brings up your own personal experiences. You may need time to understand your own reactions in order to know how to best support your friend. Allow yourself the same care that you would wish your friend to receive. You don’t have to be alone in dealing with your friend’s disclosure or their distress. Seeing a counsellor may provide you with support and insight as you help your friend.


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