The child who has been sexually abused is still the same child as before the disclosure. He or she needs carers and grown ups to stay steady and not lose sight of them as a child with all the same delightful qualities as before.


Listening to what your child is saying and understanding their needs is very important after disclosure of abuse. Your child might not want anyone else to know about the abuse. They might be fearful of what other people will say or that others will blame them for any “trouble” that comes from their disclosure. They may not want their school to know and may be fearful that other students will find out.


All these issues can be very challenging to deal with, especially if the child’s wishes cannot be accommodated. Often it is necessary to speak to police or school staff to ensure the child’s safety. Flexibility may also be needed regarding your child’s desire to avoid large family gatherings or other social occasions. It is essential to remember that children disclose their experience of abuse because they want it to stop or they no longer want to live with the effects of secrecy and silence. There are no ‘magic answers’ to a child’s fears about what might happen once they have disclosed, but while they don’t have control over the future, it is important they are believed and supported.


Remember that you already know how your child can best be comforted and reassured. It may help to choose some special signal for your child to communicate that things are difficult when it is hard to find the words to express it. They may need you to notice that they are affected at some times more than others.


It is important to maintain familiar routines, keeping life at home and school as consistent and ‘normal’ as possible. Regular bed times, homework and the usual household chores can provide a sense of reassurance for children when they are confused or worried. Let your child know you are there for them if they want to talk, that you are not ‘cross’ with them and you love them no matter what has happened. Let them know you hold the person or people who hurt them responsible for the abuse. These are the touchstones that can really help children to cope.


17


Page 1  |  Page 2  |  Page 3  |  Page 4  |  Page 5  |  Page 6  |  Page 7  |  Page 8  |  Page 9  |  Page 10  |  Page 11  |  Page 12  |  Page 13  |  Page 14  |  Page 15  |  Page 16  |  Page 17  |  Page 18  |  Page 19  |  Page 20  |  Page 21  |  Page 22  |  Page 23  |  Page 24  |  Page 25  |  Page 26  |  Page 27  |  Page 28