Most parents whose children have been abused experience a range of emotions and reactions, including anger, guilt and confusion.


While it is important to attend to your own needs, you also need to be emotionally available and steady for your child. You may find your child’s sexual abuse brings up memories and feelings of your own experience of abuse. Parents will often need to seek independent help for themselves at this time. Each person’s reactions and what they need from others will be different. It is important to keep this in mind so you can support your child based on their needs instead of your own. Focus most of all on helping your child feel safe and secure.


My adult child told me they were abused


Some parents may not find out about their child’s experience of abuse until they reach adulthood. This can be distressing and difficult. Parents often ask ‘How didn’t I know?’ and ‘Why didn’t they tell me?’ Disclosure of abuse is never easy and no matter what the age of your child, it is important that you do your best to respond with warmth, comfort and a willingness to listen, avoiding blaming, minimising or projecting your own experiences on them.


A counsellor can support you as you deal with the impact of your child’s disclosure and the ongoing effects of the sexual abuse. They will also explore ways in which you might respond to and support your child.


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