JUNE 2013
“Parenting kicks up our deepest wounds while presenting opportunities to live in our highest form of unconditional love.”
o be a parent is to taste the agony and ecstasy of being human. It is more complicated than many of us thought it would be ~ Especially when you have a challenging child.
T
Parenting can reduce successful men and women into a stressful state of confusion. Adults who see themselves as spiritual seekers are shocked at the negative feelings that can suddenly wash over them. Daily struggles turn love and adoration into a cycle of worry and control. Parenting kicks up our deepest wounds while presenting opportunities to live in our highest form of unconditional love.
It seems easier to love with unconditional abandon when you live with a child who has a mellow, laid-back spirit. These are the kids who handle disappointment easily and rarely protest when you say, “No” or “Hurry Up.”
Ah, but those feisty ones, the children who seem overly sensitive and have meltdowns in the middle of the shopping malls…how do you stay in love with them while dealing with their intense reactions? It is particularly challenging to remain calm and centered while the whole world seems to be watching. You can just feel how others are judging your parenting skills and condemning your child.
When we dream about becoming parents we rarely look forward to sending children to ‘time-out’ corners
or threatening them with punishments. How is it then that so many reasonably sane adults lose their balance when coping with their highly spirited kids?
They push our buttons; that’s why.
We blame them for pushing our buttons. We are convinced they need to change. Frustration builds when we spend our energy trying to control them instead of learning how to meet their needs in an emotionally healthy way.
My own experiences as a child development specialist and as the mother of one of these freedom-seeking children have led me on a journey of transformation. Opening my mind and heart has been the key to giving up control and moving from fear into trust.
The steps I took are simple, but they required the willingness to give up old ways of thinking, especially when I was sure that my way was best.
The first step is willingness to see beyond behavior into the inner world of a child. I came to understand that temperament is something we are born with and just like the color of eyes or the shape of a nose, no parent gets to choose their child’s hard wiring. If your child is active, intense, sensitive, easily distracted, or freedom seeking, you must stop interpreting behavior as a flagrant disrespect of your authority. The more you understand each of your children’s unique temperaments, the more
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