JUNE 2013
“Instead of accepting an unfavorable turn in your day, expect your joyous day to continue.”
think about describing someone you know, you might say: she’s a happy person, usually optimistic, always smiling. Or, he’s normally critical and angry, always pointing out what’s wrong in the world. We all have an emotional set point from which we normally operate. You can be happy and operate from a place of harmony and joy. You can be sad or angry and live your life from that place. Each of our emotions carries with it a momentum and we tend to attract to ourselves situations that match that momentum. If you tend to be negative and see what is wrong with the world, you will experience life from that filter. If you are positive and see the good in life, your experience will be from that frame of reference. Two people can view the same situation and experience it totally differently, depending on their set point or perspective. And each perspective will lead to a different outcome. Bottom line: decide where you want to operate from and become more aware of when that momentum changes. Only then will you be able to do something about it before you spiral out of control.
Second, it is important 41
to know that there is a fundamental decision that needs to be made when an argument occurs with a partner. That is the choice between being right or being loving. For the sake of simplicity, this means that you can either stand your ground and insist that your position is the only correct opinion and your partner needs to agree with you... OR... you can decide that being happy in your relationship is more important than the argument, and agree to disagree. In time you will hopefully learn to listen to one another’s perspectives and be able to discuss them calmly. It is crucial, however, that you understand that the choice is always there and it is yours to make.
How does this fit into the discussion of disagreements and how to shift them before we
enter the dark abyss? It boils down to your awareness of what you want and what you are willing to do to get it.
You can start by becoming aware of the tendency to accept a downward shift in momentum as normal and change it. Change it immediately. Instead of accepting an unfavorable turn in your day, expect your joyous day to continue. When something happens that triggers a disagreement, look at that disagreement as a snapshot in time, not like the beginning of the end. Instead of a “this is going to ruin the entire day” attitude, how about approaching the disagreement with curiosity:
interesting perspective. I’m not sure I understand how you came to that conclusion. Tell me more.” Or, “I’d rather milk this fabulous day for all it is worth. Can we table this discussion until tomorrow?”
“that’s an
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