Harold & Ethel. Ethel: I dropped my false teeth in the lake when I was feeding the ducks. Harold: How did you find them ? Ethel: I didn’t. This nice man gave me a pair from his pocket but they didn’t fit. So he gave me another pair but they didn’t fit. Then he produced a third pair which fit perfectly. Harold: You were lucky to have a dentist walk past just at the right moment. Ethel: Oh no, he wasn’t a dentist, he was an undertaker.


Son says to his dad, “Can you sign your


name without looking ?” Dad says,


8.


“Yes I think so.” Son replies, “ Great , shut your eyes and sign my school report.”


Dad, I’ve just been on Wikipedia and they say that Concorde used to fly at twice the speed of sound. So how did they manage to speak to Air Traffic Control ? Well son, in those days Air Traffic Control was staffed mainly by women, who, as you will discover in later life, have the ability to answer a question before it’s been asked.


Supermarket Rage. I saw this woman in the car park at Tesco last week, she was in her car actually nutting the steering wheel. I thought she must have missed a major item on her shopping list. I looked again and realised she was just trying to pull her seat forward.


We call it “debt,” others call it “credit,” committee-men’s wives call it “on account”. Yeah, I’m in debt on account of not being able to pay my credit.


If someone says “ It’s not the money, it’s the principle,” It’s the money. Angelo Valenti


Where there’s a will there are relations


Oswaldtwistle Civic Theatre


3.


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