Self-Centeredness
The minute you decide to enter into a committed relationship, the moment self-centeredness becomes a thing of the past. Intimacy requires there to be a balance between self, the other per- son and the relationship. It’s not about just you anymore. You have to take the feelings and needs of the other person and the relationship into consideration. Decisions about money, routines, free time, children, time, etc. now have to include your partner’s input.
Lack of Respect
Chances are if you lack respect for your partner, your intimate life probably suf- fers. To respect means you hold a high opinion and highly value yourself or an- other person. You appreciate and show consideration for people. The closeness of intimacy needs a general feeling of respect for self and your partner. It also means you need to behave in a way that deserves respect. You cannot expect your partner to respect you if your actions do not warrant respect.
Imbalance of Power
There cannot be one person in a relationship that sees him or herself as more important than his or her partner. A relationship consists of two people with perceived equality. That doesn’t mean one person isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable about certain topics, or has greater strengths in certain areas. It means the difference is not highlighted, flaunted or disrespected. Having a bal- ance of power requires each person to have equal say in a discussion. It means the needs and feelings of each person are equally important.
Unhealthy Arguments
All couples have disagreements. The in- timacy in your relationship will suffer if you let your arguments get out of hand. Angry words, unresolved arguments, and inflicting emotional and physical pain will destroy intimacy. Couples that are close learn how to respectfully and healthily resolve their arguments.
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Absence of Touch
Although physical intimacy is just a part of total intimacy, it is a very important part. If you don’t make a point to hug, kiss, and experience sexual intimacy, your level of intimacy will be affected. You can still be close, but touch adds extra feelings of warmth, safety and love.
Extreme Separateness
So many couples, after time, begin to live separate lives. Either their differ- ences separate them or unawareness or lack of intention cause them to drift apart. Intimacy requires people to spend time together and share in each other’s life. A relationship is like a garden. You need to take the time to pull the weeds, fertilize and water the flowers. In other words, it requires time, love, and a commitment to keep the bad to a minimum.
If you want your relationship to be inti- mate, love and respect one another, do your best to meet one another’s needs, share your dreams and feelings, and avoid these eleven intimacy killers.
Lori Radun is a certified life coach, inspira- tional speaker and author of The Momnifi- cent! Life ~ Healthy and Balanced Life For Busy Moms. As a motherhood guru committed to helping moms live magnifi- cent lives, see why moms are visiting www.
momnificent.com for the free Momnificent! newsletter, a library of expert advice, and continuously updated blog of mom-worthy news and developments.
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