Quantum
HEALTH
Issue 10 March 2011
are not productive anymore. They are outdated. We’ve grown up and our world has changed, yet we tend to be using the same strategies and following the same behaviours we developed as children. This is why so many psychologists talk about the life journey of self-actualisation, which is the pathway to the fully realised self–the self that is fully conscious and is a well-rounded independent self that is as free as possible from the imprints of the past.
There is a metaphor from psychology about how we all have a bag draped across our back and as we move from childhood to adulthood we fill it–usually with stuff others (parents, media, authority figures of all kinds, friends) convince us to put there. Then through adulthood we lug that heavy bag around with us, weighing us down. The job of later adulthood is to start take things out of the bag–to empty ourselves of ways of being that are not true to our essence.
One clue that you are carrying unhealthy past patterns is if you keep doing things differently but the result looks the same. If that’s true, then perhaps it is time for a thorough housecleaning of the strategies and beliefs you carry from childhood that are no longer serving you in adulthood. Another clue is how often you defer responsibility and seek justification for thoughts, actions, and the conditions of your life through victimhood. The “It’s not my fault” routine is that of a child, not an adult. Children are often powerless, but adults aren’t. Children don’t often understand cause and effect, but adults do. Children aren’t often able to change their circumstances, but adults can. And even if you truly have been victimised, the more conscious adult response is to dress your wounds and then learn your lessons, not to become trapped in the victim role from the past. Our “almost addiction” to unhealthy family patterns robs us of our creative ability to be who we want to be as adults. So while our families often provide the paint by which we so richly colour our lives, with a little awareness and a big dash of perseverance we can change the picture we have been drawing if it is one that no longer attracts us.
42 Quantum Health
More Is Better
If you have been even remotely tuned into the global vibe, you know that consumerism is a double-edged sword. Our leaders, dealing with the economic downturn, are sure that when people get buying again, the economy will recover. So they are urging us to have the confidence to spend. At the same time, scientists are telling us that if we don’t stop consuming so much, we are going to destroy our environment and be left with an uninhabitable planet. The messages are not only mixed, they are diametrically opposed. No wonder so many of us feel bewildered and insecure. And what do a lot of us do when we feel unsure and fearful? We soothe ourselves with things. When our emotions are in flux, we go into acquisition mode: a gorgeous new dress, hot new car, bigger home, larger investment portfolio–the list goes on. “Stuff” is our security blanket. It can become an “almost addiction” to distract us from uncomfortable feelings. The old adage that “he who has the most toys wins” can be spot on in terms of our masks–our possessions can screen inner wounds and insecurities by publicly parading the outer successes. When our emotions take what amounts to an economic downturn, our spending spirals upwards. The graph line for “doing well” is about upward mobility (more, bigger, better, newer, fancier) not about tracking downwards (less, fewer, smaller, simpler). Admit it–when you daydream, it is not about downsizing, but upsizing, isn’t it? I admit it!
The “almost addiction” of always wanting more is ingrained in our culture. Yet, despite the environmental ramifications of rampant consumerism, I am not saying ambition or acquisition per se is wrong or bad or whatever judgment you want to label it with. My point really is that many of us never question what drives us to want more, bigger, better. Willpower, motivation, even ambition are not the same as unchecked acquisition. If we bring awareness to this “almost addiction” we can see many forces at work. One is that culturally we equate success with wealth and possession. There is nothing wrong with success, but being a successful
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