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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?' She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.' The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?' She says, 'That he did, Father.' The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?' She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put the gun down....'
Harold & Ethel
“That Catherine Zeta Jones was on the Telly last night when you were at the pub.”
“ Oh I like her, what was she doing ?”
“ She was flirting outrageously with that nice Sean Connery.”
“ What’s wrong with that?”
“ It was disgusting, he’s old enough to be her husband !” I can’t even count the number of times I failed my maths exam.
Harwood House Glebe Street
Great Harwood
The One Stop Hair and Beauty Shop
Special Offers
Have a full head colour for £30 and get a free eye brow wax
Have a full set of nails for £20 and get a free blow dry
All services on one level, Wheelchair friendly. Large Free Car Park Opposite.
Open 6 Days. Late Nights Thursday & Fridays Plus Other Nights by Appointment.
Gift Vouchers Available.
Long Term Promotions
20% Senior Citizen discounts Monday & Tuesday 20% off your next appointment with your first colour
01254 887530
www.parishairandbeauty.co.uk
SELL YOUR SCRAP GOLD
Don’t sit at home bored come and hit some balls
Open 7 Days & Nights regardless of weather
Free Golf Lessons for juniors on Saturday Mornings Please ring for details: 01254 884222
www.lee-valley.co.uk
01254 888292 One Stop Cash Shop, 39 Queen Street, Great Harwood, BB6 7QP
3.
Two Fingers.
A man was returning home from a business trip and had an hour to kill in the airport. He bought a coffee and a Kit Kat from the express shop and went over to a nearby table. He put his things on the table, took off his overcoat and sat down to read his paper. In a couple of minutes he noticed out of the corner of his eye that an elderly lady sat down on the bench with him. He continued reading his paper, but kept a glancing eye on her because she seemed a little strange. Before too long, to his amazement he noticed her reach over, open the Kit Kat, break off a finger and, large as life, eat it. Wanting to send her a message but not wanting to make a fuss, he quickly broke off a finger himself and ate it so that there wouldn't be any doubt that the Kit Kat belonged to him. The lady looked at him very strangely, but eventually she broke off another finger and began eating it. This was too much for the man, so he glared at her angrily, snatched up the last finger himself, forcefully screwed up the wrapper and threw it in the near by bin. This had the desired effect, and the old woman hurriedly gathered up her things and quickly left. Soon afterward it was time for him to go to his gate, so he folded his paper, stood up, picked up his overcoat... and found his still untouched Kit Kat on the table under his coat. Don’t you just hate it when that happens!
I’m Lurving it !
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