“Super Mario 3D Land reviewed well, sold well but we want this to be one of our evergreen titles. So how can we boost sales again and keep them going? What sells? Sex? I’ve heard that sells. ‘Sex sells’ – that’s a saying, right? Okay, Googling now: S. E. X.
“First suggested result: Sexting. Sounds too modern, must be youth slang. Second: Sexist jokes. Hmm, we’ve had trouble with that before. Do you think people are still upset about that ‘wilt thou get the girl?’ tagline? “Ah, hang on, here we go: Sex and the City. The missus mentioned that at some point. I dunno, last week, ten years ago – who keeps track? The point is, that thing was popular. Good. Get me the cast of Sex and the City on the phone.
“What do you mean only Kim Cattrall is available? Which one was that – the blond, the brunette or the ginger? The other blond? Fine, tell her to slap on some make-up and brush up on her husky voice. “I don’t know, something about wanting alone time to play with Mario. We’ll come up with a script later. Make sure it mentions him dressing up or something – we need to aim for women. That’ll sort sales out, right?”
LA’S MOST WANTED
Most people head to Hollywood for a brief glimpse at movie stars, but we had much more impressive celebs in our sights. After a long day at E3, Sony DADC’s Rob
Gross (above) was spotted arm wrestling for his life – although he looked rather calm for a man sitting next to a reminder that “losers will be shot”.
FROM THE ARCHIVE... NINE YEARS AGO MCV June 13th 2003
NEWS
Major toy firm Character Options brings Intellivision, the first 16-bit console, back to retail with a plug-and-play TV game… Sony’s EyeToy appears on Big Brother as part of a weekly challenge, one month ahead of its UK release… GameStation hires HMV’s Martyn Gibbs as buying director… An MCVsurvey finds that the
More personal photos from E3 2003 emerge, with freelance journalist Steve Boxer posing alongside English singer Craig David. More worrying is the picture of Babel Media’s Ben Wibberley with a semi-automatic assault rifle – made less threatening by our headline of ‘Wibberley Wobbly’… And we discover an amazing website full of customer service tips, Acts of Gord. In it, the mighty Gord tells tales of woe and terrible service, creating a retail bible of what not to do. It’s still live – go check it out at www.actsofgord.com
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OFF THE RECORD
majority of gamers prefer buying boxed games to downloading, but would go digital if the price was right… Eidos splashes £2m on marketing Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness, promising to take Lara back to her roots. Shame that didn’t work out too well… Former Rage Games staff form new British studio Juice, which would go on to develop THQ racers Juiced and Juiced 2. Sadly, the firm closed last year…