In this inception edition of ESSENTIAL we take you for a holiday ride in a humours road and jest pack fuel. Christmas is
after all a joyful season: the buying rush, the spending spree, the joke cards, all packed in a sense of commitment to others
– either friends, family or strangers. e planned on drW afting a naughty list – but it would be waaaaay to long – or a ‘naughty
or nice’ decider walkthrough – too many skeletons in people’s closets. Instead we arrived to ‘lighter’ contents in these
pages. All articles are to be taken with a pinch of salt (or a hand full in some cases) for most of them appeal to the funnier
and darker sides of us as consumers (frankly speaking we share’s Santa’s secret wish - read below - of a Christmas holiday
away from everything but, noblesse oblige, here we are...). Next month, after the end of the philanthropists’ craze, we’ll
speak of something more self centred and much more ESSENTIAL for self indulgence: fine dining. e eW xplore how Macau
has recently been inscribed in both the Michelin and Mobil guides and become a truffle heaven for willing millionaires.
Cristiano vs Christmas
Challenger Ronaldo, ManU’s lead striker, will take on Santa for nine rounds:
Been around
Has scored over 101 times, Santa’s been translated in almost every
in different fields living (and dead) language
Ancestry
Allegedly named after former as St.W Nicholas, before the consumerism
American President Ronald Reagan operation changed him to a more world
wide patented version
Transportation
Cruises the street Drives a sleigh and has
in a red Ferrari 435 a reindeer as co-pilot
Hardest job
Faking a fall every Squeezing into the smallest
other game or non-existent chimney
Size does matter
Christiano is 1.84 meters tall Santa weighs 184 kilos
Favourite outfit
Red jersey, black shorts, red shooters Red suit with white finish
Dreams of
Playing for “the special one” A Christmas holiday
Attributes
Young, rich, famous, athletic Old, penniless, fat, lazy
AXE effect
Every active human male and female The north pole
between the legal ages of 21 and 65 female elf population
Yeah, Ronaldo would win, but we had to veto to avoid
a worldwide law suit from the Save Santa Sect.
A Christmas consumer’s 10 commandments:
a sequel based on the real thing. We feel the urge to spend, spend, spend.
We can’t help it and who can blame us after browsing through
all the great stuff we’ve rounded up for you...
Consumerism is your friend. You shall spend all you can and not keep tabs;
You shall not scream in agony when you find your partner’s credit card statement (praise them instead);
Remember, Consumerism is every day and whenever you want (keep on buying and spending);
Honour your father and mother (get them an upgrade to a Deluxe suite for Christmas Eve at the Home – it’s cheaper then taking the trip over to visit);
You shall not murder the myth of Christmas to kids under 21 (will cause you – and them - grief, take it from us);
You shall not buy the same outfit as your girlfriend’s friend’s boyfriend’s (or is it the other way around, we can’t decide);
You shall not steal from your colleague’s Christmas Hamper (he already had to spend way too much only to impress you);
You shall lie and cheat for whatever you really want for Christmas (and insinuate your list to everyone that comes within 20 meters of yourself);
You shall covet whatever the bloke across the hall got for Christmas (even if it’s a power lifter’s underwater gym: if he has it, you want it);
You shall covet every thing under the Christmas Tree that doesn’t have your name on it (and change the tags if you spot something nice);
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