We don’t require our babies to verbalize the need to nurse or to sleep, but learn to respond to their signals.
at the beginning. Many parents ease into it very slowly, and some remain at this level until they’re ready to move on—for instance, gently pottying to catch only bowel movements throughout infancy. Many people practice EC only part-time, but even occasional EC will still be benefi cial for you and your child. Isn’t it messy? Because I encourage the use of diaper
backup until parents are comfortable with EC, I’ve never found EC to be messy—and certainly no messier than diaper leaks or blowouts. In fact, parents oſt en report that most messes they experience with their children occur when they are using a diaper; aſt er all, if a baby eliminates in a toilet, it all goes straight into the toilet. If you live in a house with a lot of carpeting and are
reluctant to remove your child’s diaper, consider diaper- free time outdoors, or only when in rooms with washable fl oors, until you are in a good rhythm with your baby.
I worry it’s going to put pressure on my child.
Here’s the most important thing to remember about EC: First and foremost, it’s about the process of engag- ing in meaningful communication with your wonder- ful individual child. What’s important isn’t the end result of having a toilet-trained child; it’s the journey the two of you take together every day.
COMMUNI C AT ION
on
• Learn what the typical signs of elimination are for your
child’s age, but remember that each child is unique. Take note of your own child’s particular signals and rhythms.
• Consider wearing your baby to help get in sync with his rhythms.
• Create several “potty stations” around the house, each
with a basket of cloth underwear or diapers, some toilet pa- per, and a bowl or potty. The more convenient these supplies are to you, the more likely you’ll be inclined to potty your child, especially if he is younger and eliminates frequently.
• Have a few potty positions (ways your child sits on the
potty) in your toolbox and try diff erent ones till you fi gure out what your child prefers. Know, also, that your child’s prefer- ences will likely change over time.
• Stay relaxed and remember that this is about the process, not the result. Treat every day as a fresh start.
• On your EC journey, seek support and like-minded par-
ents;
www.diaperfreebaby.org lists support groups where you can see real babies being pottied, and talk with other parents also on the journey.
—Christine Gross-Loh
E L IMINAT ION
Do children who use the toilet early later regress?
Remember that, typically, EC’d children have not lost bodily awareness of the muscles associated with elimi- nation; eliminating into a potty or toilet feels natural to them. Also, EC diff ers from conventional toilet-training methods, which might recommend bribery, praise, and external rewards to encourage children to stop using the diapers they’ve grown accustomed to. Rather than praising, EC’ing parents might simply acknowledge, or celebrate along with the child her own delight in her body. T is diff erence is subtle, but it’s important. When our children experience the full joy and pride of using the toilet for themselves and experience the good feeling of carrying out a natural bodily function, then there are no emotional reasons to regress.
At each stage of your child’s early years, you will fi nd ways to approach elimination and toileting that are compatible with your general principles of gentle, responsive parenting. While EC may seem at fi rst glance to be merely about elimination, once you embark on this journey, you will realize that it is a dance of communica- tion between parent and child. Remember that the focus is not on the result of toilet independence, but on that ongoing process of connection. It’s about slowing down and taking things moment by moment, day by day, lis- tening to and staying aware of your child, and fi guring out what he or she is saying to you—all valuable skills for the mother or father who wants to parent with empathy and respect. T ose skills will nurture the overall rela- tionship between you and your child.
For additional information on Elimination Com-
munication, go to
www.mothering.com/links and see the Web exclusive “Mothering, Mindfulness, and a Baby’s Bottom,” by Sarah J. Buckley, MD. Buckley also answers questions about the topic on our online forum, Ask the Experts.
Christine Gross-Loh is mother to two sons and two daughters, including a baby girl who is on the EC journey now. She is involved with the non- profi t organization DiaperFreeBaby and blogs about family living at www.
origamimommy.org. Her book, T e Diaper-Free Baby: T e Natural Toilet
Training Alternative (HarperCollins, 2007), has more information about elimination communication. For other resources or to seek a support group, visit DiaperFreeBaby
at
www.diaperfreebaby.org.
May–June 2010 |
mothering.com 75
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