ARTICLE
INCREASE YOUR CONFIDENCE by Cathy Towers
There are many ways to help grow confidence and I want to share one of them with you. I have found public speaking has been a great method for me, but that is not the nub of what I want to share here. It is HOW we engage with whatever we are doing and learning that makes the difference. Let me explain this through an example:
I am a member of a group called South West Speakers, and through this I went along to a national conference some time ago to learn from some of the best in the country. The first talk I headed for was about how to evaluate a speech and give useful feedback in a way that can be received comfortably - something I have seen Toastmasters (the interna- tional group to which our group belongs) do well. Being able to tell someone how to improve a thing they have already worked hard on without shaming or embarrassment requires subtlety, sensitivity and attention to detail. As someone who gives feedback through my training work, I hoped this talk would be a useful learning.
Mindfulness in Action
At the talk we were guided through how to concentrate on what we see, hear and feel about the content, structure and delivery of a person’s talk– a useful checklist for our own speaking, and for other life experiences too: what we are undertaking, how we have organised ourselves, and how we make it
happen.This is mindfulness in action – right up my street. Non-judgement, yet observing and guiding on what may be helpful to the indi- vidual is the fundamental work of a therapist like myself.
Interestingly, the speaker started by sharing that the way she had improved her skill to the level of winning competitions was by assessing every speech she witnessed, whether she was supposed to give the feedback session to them or not. It’s that level of commitment that really sharpens skill. I started to assess her. With my psychology background and current work on stress and posture, I guess it is natural that my observations usually include reflection on body language and breath and movement which affect confidence and anxiety hugely.
Watching some particular distracting movements of the speakers hands awoke a com- ment made to me once by a professional speaker about the way we use our hands. I was told that all gesture should come from the body’s core – like a ballet dancer – so if you are using energy in your diaphragm properly, the gestures will just ‘flow out of you and not feel separate. I call it mindfulness in the body, staying connected.
Making the Difference
Back to the story: as a side note, the speaker asked at the end who had evaluated her presentation. Only one other person than me stuck their hand up – out of over 100 people! What that said to me is that I am very much in a minority with the engagement and com- mitment I have. When a good suggestion comes my way I work on it. I felt shocked – we were all there to learn but only two of us acted on her first simple piece of advice. For me, this is such an important factor in growing confidence, and only 2% were doing it.
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