ONE MINUTE MOORE RANDALL MOORE Open letter to Justin Bieber
Dear Justin, You don’t know me, but l sure feel like I know
you. See, my youngest girl is crazy about you, talks
about you all day long, listens to you all day long, her bedroom is plastered with your pictures, she follows you on Twitter, she saved her own money – a lot – to see you in concert, and bought all those over-priced souvenirs with your mug on ‘em. You even touched her hand! Yes, before the concert at Scotiabank Place. You won’t remember but she sure as heck does. Couldn’t stop smiling for days. See, you have that effect on your fans, Justin.
They believe in you, even when you started acting a little weird. You know, the peeing into a bucket, the spitting off a balcony, the egging... and now the criminal charges, and the dope allegations, and everything else. But my girl, like all your Believers, refuse to
believe a word of it, because you told them, Justin, you told them, over and over again, that it wasn’t true.
Now a mug shot. Smiling like a fool. Appearing
before a judge. I don’t think of you Justin, when you get into
trouble, I think of my girl and the pain SHE suffers because of YOU. But you’re young, only 19, and hey, who at
19 didn’t make mistakes. And you’re also a good person with a good heart. I can see that. But you gotta clean up your act and you can start by ditching your so-called friends. Trust me, they’re not your friends. Forgive me, Justin, if I sound preachy, like I’m
telling you what to do, but I can’t help it. Sure, I worry about you, but my girl is why I’m writing this, a girl who worships the ground you walk on and who would be crushed if the unspeakable were to occur. Which only YOU Justin, can prevent. Oh, one other thing. PLEASE, pull up your freakin’ pants! Do you
have an idea how stupid that looks? Sorry, had to say it. –from the father of a Believer
78 BOUNDER MAGAZINE
www.bounder.ca
The calorie law When I go out for a cheeseburger at a fast-food
restaurant I do so as a treat… or because I’m in a hurry… or because I’m starving. I KNOW the cheeseburger isn’t exactly good
for me. I KNOW it’s full of calories. I also know muffins and donuts are full of
calories. It’s called common sense. And it’s soon to be legislated. Yes, the law, in Ontario, anyway. The provincial
government wants big fast food chains to post calories on their menu boards. They’re not messing around, either. Public health inspectors will be hired. Fines
could reach a thousand bucks a day for an individual or 10 grand a day for a corporation found to be breaking the calorie law. Doesn’t matter the calorie information is
already available online. Doesn’t matter. A new law. More health inspectors. Big fines. But only for the big chains or stores with 20 or
more locations in the province. Real fair, eh? The buffet doesn’t count, or your favourite
restaurant, or the chipwagon or canteen at the rink. Guess we’re on our own at those places. Guess we’ll have to use a bit of common sense. Something this proposed legislation clearly
lacks.
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