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but part of me wanted to make my experience feel more real by considering children who could become part of our family. I looked through the children and found several I thought we could adopt but then one child caught my eye. As soon as I found this little girl I knew she would fit perfectly into our family and became very excited. I had been expecting to adopt a child with health or behavioural needs but this little girl had obviously been fostered from a young age, had a wonderful bond with her carers and had developed as any healthy child would have for her age. Now I had two questions “Was this little girl right for us?” and “Why had I found her so early in our adoption process?”
God answered there and then.
The first question The
answer was “Yes”. I had no reply to the second question. I simply felt a mass of emotion and knew that I had to just stay with these feelings.
I sent an enquiry about this child and the response was that they were interested in us but priority would go to people further along in the adoption process. The weeks then went past, waiting for our initial assessment. My thoughts varied from positive to negative and my feelings varied from excitement to fear and then God started to talk to me about faith. I kept asking God what faith really was and I just kept seeing a picture of a big arm chair. God said: “Trust is something that some people do naturally and others have to learn. Faith is a gift that is available to all, even those who struggle to trust because faith demands nothing from you. It is simply about letting go and accepting that you are not in control, not you, not the Universe, but me, God.”
At the time of writing this article, our little girl could be a pipe-dream. She could be a positive thought. She could be out there in the ether waiting for the great unfolding of the universe. But she is none of these. All I know is that God has said that one day she will be our little girl and the most precious
thing is that her name actually is Faith!
So you may be wondering whether things always work out when I hear God asking me to do something by faith. The answer is ‘Sometimes, but not always.” Further to writing this article I have discovered that Faith has been matched with an adopter much further along the process than us. When I heard this, I naturally felt disappointed and then immediately I wondered why it had happened. I thought how much easier it would have been if I had just tried to adopt Faith with no thought of the outcome. I could have played, toyed with the idea and put out feelers to determine the possibility of Faith becoming our daughter but no – I dived headlong, fell hook-line and sinker in love with this little girl and believed with all my heart that she could become part of our family.
I don’t regret my decision to act in faith and I have never regretted it in the past even when things haven’t worked out in the way I have expected. I always feel like God is holding my hand and walking me through the situation and when I don’t understand what is happening in my mind, my heart feels at peace and I know that things will work out. Then after time, the mist lifts, things become clear and I usually feel as if a piece of a jigsaw puzzle has been neatly slotted in to where it belongs. I am still wondering what I might learn from my connection with this beautiful little girl called Faith – it certainly made me think about my relationship with faith! And maybe this reminder of what it is for me to live by faith may serve as a stepping-stone to something far greater in my life.
Jennie engages with people in personal journey work. She is also the author of ‘Holding Hands with God’
.www.christmyst.jenniewilliams.com
London & South East Connection - August/November 2012 37
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