ARTICLE


need fast cars, bigger houses or more and more money. I had had all of those, and their attraction waned in the face of the drive that kept me moving.


That drive came from a deep discontent. Anything that allayed it was momentary, always fleeting – until I took the next jump – wherever it lead.


I learned that to be a wife and mother – although loving my children very deeply – did not suffice. To be a talented musician was not enough either.


However, to eventually sell my home and possessions, and with my youngest son travel to Oregon and give every last cent away to the commune – was unbelievably meaningful and taught me more than the preceding forty-eight years.


Even ‘though – yes, when that part of my life also ended - I had to start from scratch – again!


In fact, as an adult I have, literally, been almost penniless at least four times. Four times when bootstraps had to be pulled up and some trust had to be built.


The upside of all this was that I lived with a passion and aliveness that was palpable. This, of course included love affairs, which were of huge meaning to me.


I’ve known for a long time that my relationships with men, have been my ‘yoga’ all these years – and still are.


There were moments of huge upheaval, insecurity and great regret. And, there were periods of slow awakening to what was true and what was not – for me.


Meaning grew, as I grew – slowly. I discovered that meditation was ordinary, peaceful and healing. It became thus when I stopped making any effort and dropped all the stories heard about it. This also happened around my ever-evolving belief systems.


After experiencing so much – I saw the similarities in all.


When the labels, histories and conditionings are left behind, everything has meaning, and the power of any particular belief, is left behind.


Even the question – what gives my life meaning has faded. Everything does – from writing this article, to music playing in the background, to drinking a delicious cup of coffee.


My partner, my children and grandchildren, my work, even trying to rescue my finances – all of these have had huge meaning and discovery wrapped inside what may have appeared in any situation.


I understand that unwittingly, I learn from everything that happens – everything. In other words, everything has meaning. It is my judgement of each event that labels it good or bad, interesting or otherwise.


I can’t possibly tell you how to live your lives, that would be, at the very least, counter- productive. Personally, I don’t have a formula or a rule-book.


spoken in this rather simplistic quotation I found a while ago:


If you do what you’ve always done – You’ll get what you’ve always got!


And that’s all! I guess I was blessed with a low


boredom threshold – and the energy to go with it. For this I have to thank my mother – and my father? Ah well – that is another story, he was a dreamer of dreams – and so am I.


I belong to a website that sends me a poem each day. This adds meaning to my day – or not.


Often, when engaged in something or other - some problem, some joy, some idea – a poem will drop into my e-mail box that’s just perfect for the occasion.


The following poem arrived on the day that I started to write this piece. It touched a chord in me – and may do for some of you reading these words. For me it’s deeply meaningful:


The Peace of Wild Things, by Wendell Berry


When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound In fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.


I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.


www.persephonearbour.com London & South East Connection - August/November 2012 33


However, one thing I do know is


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