opportunity for you to explain to her, beginning when she’s young, that it is OK to have several close friends, and that no single friend needs to be crowned “The BFF.”
Being healthy and strong should be as important to them as being pretty—if not more so.
Mirror, mirror … Does the mirror really tell the whole story about a person? Girls continue to battle with their appearance and self- esteem, and most girls I see for therapy believe they are overweight when they are far from it. As role models to their daughters, mothers must remind their girls that it is essen- tial to take care of themselves for more than just vanity’s sake. Being healthy and strong should be as important to them as being pretty—if not more so. More and more moms are active and taking good care of themselves, but unless they have an open dialogue with their daughters about the importance of health, the girls will see primarily exterior motives for their mothers’ actions. Sadly, some girls actually feel competitive with their mothers. If you have a daughter, remind her that beauty without health is not beauty at all.
“It’s complicated.” This modern catchphrase speaks the truth. Girls’ relation- ships can be very intricate and often require a roadmap, but keeping up is difficult because the terrain is always chang- ing. Many times, girls resort to bad behavior to navigate that difficult landscape. That’s why if you have a daughter, it is important for you to stay on top of all her friendships as much as possible, so that you can provide guidance about how to approach different situations. Even when your teen- age daughter doesn’t want your advice, be a good listener; hearing herself out loud can be very therapeutic for her and help her with problem solving. Familiarize yourself with Facebook, Twitter, texting and all the other ways your daugh- ter communicates with her friends. Someone gossiping about her at school is very different from someone saying something about her on their Facebook page, for example, and understanding the difference is crucial in terms of the advice that you give her as she copes with the problem. Before you offer that advice, try to learn as much as you can about the context of the situation—and hold on tight because, of course, “it’s complicated.”
Jennifer K. Jackman is a licensed clinical social worker and owner of Apple Tree Therapy, located at 3630 Hill Blvd., Suite 204A, Jefferson Valley, NY. Contact her at 914.302.2858 or visit
AppleTreeTherapyGroup.com for more info. See ad, page 16.
natural awakenings May 2012 25
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