viewpoint So going to The NEC was, by comparison,
Ali Mafi 50 Fifty Gifts
In reality that there actually aren’t that many retailers surviving in this country.
Pheeew I managed to survive the end of summer with attending only one fair. Well that’s the good news, the bad news is that with choice of going to Frankfurt, Paris, New York and Harrogate I drew the short straw and did Birmingham.
My son and business partner Darvoud was
really unlucky that he desperately needed to go to Hong Kong on the Friday before set up for six days. I am sure he is absolutely gutted about the fact that he was not there to enjoy the fair and contribute to the new economy drive in our company by staying at Travel Lodge with the rest of us. Come on don’t be cynical, he HAD to go! Having done a Google search I can positively
confirm that many of those serving at Her Majesty’s pleasure enjoy far more luxurious accommodation than we were subjected to. On the way up to my room I had to share the
lift with about eight young ladies in white togas on a hen- night. I had never before in my life experienced so much meat with no bread and gravy. Peering out of the small window in my room
I was treated to a panoramic view of a rubbish tip and was surprised at not having been asked to pay extra for it. My wardrobe was a bent bit of metal screwed to the wall. My colleague Martin, summed up the
situation beautifully with his comment while tucking into a truly awful curry at the local Punjabi watering hole: “Come on guys, it’s Saturday night there won’t be nearly as many hookers and drug dealers tomorrow.”
42 Toyworld
a real treat. We arrived an hour early as being three hours early, which would have been my choice, would likely have lead to raised eyebrows. The first thing I noticed was that half of Hall 5 was given over to Chinese manufacturers, meaning many of our competitors had to compete with their own manufacturer on price (he he he) . I tell you what though, whoever organised the Chinese stands had thought of everything: at precisely 12.30 every day they had their little white polystyrene lunch boxes delivered to make them feel at home. I was reflecting that the UK section at HK fairs don’t have roast beef and Yorkshire puds delivered every day and surmised that this must be the main reason for the economic decline we are enduring. There were, as there always are, one or
two claiming that they were having a really wonderful year and that everything was up in their company which, in my humblest of opinions, suggests either a very low starting point or even lower expectations. OK there is also the possibility that they were just plain bsing but I will give them the benefit of the doubt.
One highlight was that John (Baulch) arrived with an advance copy of this esteemed publication with a message for me; he wants my articles to be shorter, funnier and punchier than they were before. Yesssiree , happy to oblige and remember , you did ask! So I have a totally free reign to attack, insult,
make a mockery of anyone I choose but luckily I am in a very good mood and feel no need to deprecate anyone and have kindness literally oozing out of every orifice (for today that is). OK, OK, I am exaggerating a bit and will
always find someone to have a go at, so let’s sit back and think. Actually I tell you what, let’s leave the personal attacks for next month’s issue and talk about The Autumn Fair. On the positive side, I liked the grouping
of product categories: it was done quite effectively particularly for those who tend to walk up and down the aisles staring at the floors as the carpets were colour coded, nice touch. Admittedly those who prefer to daydream looking up were in a spot of bother but hey you can’t please everyone. Personally I prefer to do my day dreaming on a beach on some
paradise Island but whatever rocks your boat. I don’t think even the organisers would claim
that the fair was actually busy but honestly that is not due to a failure on their part but a reality that there actually aren’t that many retailers surviving in this country. Ten years ago there was an alleged waiting
list of about five years to get a shop in Guildford High Street, my local shopping town. Today there are loads of empty shops and a few with closing-down sales and we are talking about one of the wealthiest cities of The Realm. I think everyone is waiting for something to happen to make the situation improve and it has escaped most of us that we are the ones who actually have to make it happen. I hear that banks are going to be forced to split their business in two and opt for either being retail bankers or investment bankers. I think this will be great news as the ones opting to be retail bankers will simply have to start lending as this will be their main revenue stream and frankly without banks loosening their purse strings I see no prospects of things improving.
My bank manager wrote to me recently
suggesting I should be more concerned about my level of borrowings. I totally disagree and am more than happy to leave the worrying entirely to him. There really is no need for both of us being involved. Sorry, back to The NEC, I managed to
get through the first day, pressed lots of flesh(hands madam , hands) explained to a few hundred people why my articles had stopped and looked forward to going back to the hotel. We packed and left The Travel Lodge on Sunday morning and checking into The Malmaison, at was like a breath of life-saving fresh air, sitting in the bar without a gorilla offering you packets of white powder and some fat mama with her ample flesh pouring out of her mock leopard skin and gold outfit offering you her services: Bliss, can’t wait for next year! Come to think of it I have just remembered I really need to be in The Maldives all September next year to give me time to visit all the hotel gift shops on all the small islands. God it will take me ages and ages.
• Ali Mafi heads up 50 Fifty Gifts and Mint Toys.
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